Cart before the horse

#274

2011-08-21T23:56:00.001-07:00

Hello, and whatcha know?
First order of business... pictures of my electric bike are a bit overdue, I think. So here 'tis.

Jo helped me wrap the battery up in canvas that I butchered from my old guitar gig bag, so that bag can continue to follow me on my adventures, even if I don't play in bands anymore.

It's sitting on what used to be our breadbox, which as you can imagine never saw too many adventures... unless you count making toast. I pretty much ride this thing everywhere now, which is greatly increasing my odds of kissing the pavement, so I'm thinking about getting some knee pads. A lot of cars misjudge my speed and pull out in front of me, since I now travel at twice the speed of your average middle-aged dude on a bike.
I'm still working on my music video. I needed to do some screen tests to try out my TV head, so I worked that footage into a little video for you.

I used a song fragment that I wrote and sped it up, the result of which is quite ridiculous. Jo says my song is catchy, which was a compliment the first time she said it. But she looks less and less pleased the more she finds herself singing it. Catchy like the flu, I guess.
And last but certainly not least, we've got some new designs listed on etsy, so if you're not too busy trying to erase my song from your head with a taser, stop by and check them out.

-Dylan

#273

2011-07-16T21:31:00.000-07:00

Hi, all.
Since we have these cool paper dolls now, I thought I'd try my hand at a little animation using them. Maybe I got a little carried away. So if you're easily shocked or offended, this might not be for you.
I've been meaning to take some video of my electric bike to share with you as well, but my right hand is so cramped up now from working the computer mouse for this last little video that it will have to wait.
Hope you enjoy the video!

-Dylan

#272

2011-07-06T13:51:00.001-07:00

Hi there.
Good to see ya.
There are drinks and chips on the table.

My son and I are back from our two week vacation at my parent's place in Satellite Beach, Florida. We had a glorious time. My brother and his wife and two girls were there as well. My nieces have extraordinary imaginations, so we played talking games for hours which usually started with "pretend this is a sword" and ended with me playing a southern belle.
"Girly, girly, girly, curly, curly curly."

My brother is in the Air Force, so we were able to rent a surfboard and an ocean kayak from Patrick Air Force base for next to nothing. Surfing with military prop planes and helicopters landing on the other side of the dune gave it an Apocalypse Now quality.
"Charlie don't surf!"

We came back on Jimmy's 16th birthday to a home in desperate need of an air conditioner in the window. I had it buried somewhere in the garage, so Jo had been living with the windows open, and getting to know our neighbors better as the smell of burnt coffee or the sounds of an argument drifted in the open windows.

-Dylan

#271

2011-06-16T15:38:00.001-07:00

Hello, friends, family, framily and fiends.
I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but we'll be taking down all of our made to order pieces from our etsy shop at some point on Saturday, June 18th. They won't be gone forever, just for a couple of weeks while my son and I visit family in Florida. So if there is something that we have currently listed that you've had your eye on, better snatch it up before Saturday! Jo won't be coming to Florida with us since this trip combines both air travel and Florida in the summertime. . .two of Jo's favorites! Instead Jo will be here in the relatively cool air, I assume sobbing with loneliness and renaming the business Cart Without a Horse. Or is she the horse and I'm the cart? She will be working on some one-of-a-kind pieces while I'm gone that I've already sewn for her, so look for those in the coming weeks.

In other news, my electric bike kit is here! As soon as it arrived, I hooked everything up and just threw all of the components in my giant wire baskets. I wanted to make sure everything worked before I spent time making it look nice. So here's what it looked like for the first few days as I rode it around. . .

I want my son to be able to ride it too, but sharing my bike is not off to a good start. The one thing I told him to do was to turn it off before getting on or off the thing. Sure enough he forgot, and while dismounting it he twisted the throttle and popped a wheelie, sending the 16 pound $500 battery tumbling out of the basket onto the concrete. Lucky for him (and me) nothing was damaged.
So now I'm starting to set the bike up into its finished form. Jo helped me wrap the battery in some black canvas that I cut from an old bag that I used to carry my guitar stuff in around to gigs with me.

I love using materials that I have a history with. And lets not forget the bread box that I've cut the battery stand out of, which is shown here without the braces underneath that I still need to make.

So far I've explored several country roads nearby that were too hilly for me to tackle before. You don't even feel like you're going uphill with this hub motor doing most of the work. So if you've been thinking of getting one, you should do it! You don't have to get such an expensive battery if you plan on taking short trips. Just remember to turn it off before dismounting!

-Dylan

#270

2011-05-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

I've been holding onto this little secret for a while, but I guess it's ok to talk about now since I just spotted this behind the scenes video on youtube. . .

Some of our art is going to be in a Canon commercial starring Ron Howard! You can spot one of our Paisley Cat at 1:18 of the video, Gerard the Goat at 2:26, and Katie Pillar on the desk by Ron Howard at 2:42. I think I spotted our witch too up on the shelf, but I didn't get a good look at it. The full length commercial, which isn't out yet, is being directed by Dante Ariola, who has done some amazing commercials in the past including the VW Black Beetle commercial that debuted during the Super Bowl.

Jo and I may just sit around the house working most of the time, but at least our creations get to go out and have adventures.

-Dylan

#269

2011-05-18T16:06:00.002-07:00

When Jo designed our paper dolls, the queen obviously wasn't going to fit on one page. When we got the two pages printed the first time, we made a mistake in the size of one of them, so they didn't match up when assembling it. We quickly fixed the problem, but we were left with 20 prints that we had no use for.

So there was the challenge. . .find a use for them instead of just throwing them in the recycling bin. So I took the head and the example picture of the queen and made this. . .

But that wasn't weird enough for me, so I took 4 of the prints and created the spider queen. . .

"Off to my web!"
-Dylan

#268

2011-05-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

I better tell this story before I forget it. Our son, Jimmy, went to the senior prom over the weekend. He's only a sophomore, but his girlfriend is a senior. If it weren't for Jo, he would have been completely unprepared.

Jo: Are you going to get her a corsage to match your boutonnière?
Jimmy: What's a boutonnière?
Jo: It's the flower that goes on your lapel.
Jimmy: What language are you speaking?

In the end, Jo made the corsage out of crepe paper streamers and antique buttons, proving she can make just about anything out of virtually nothing. She's like MacGyver minus the mullet. Anyway, Jimmy and his girlfriend arrived at their friend's house for a pre-prom party and realized they had forgotten the paper corsage. So Jimmy gave me the address, I google mapped it and headed out. It wasn't hard to find. There were balloons leading me right to where I expected it to be. I asked the gathering of proud parents on the porch, "Is this Megan's house?"
"Yup, everyone's inside taking pictures."
The door was open, so I let myself in and looked for Jimmy among the crowd of football players in tuxes, girls all done up for the big night, and parents taking time off from appearing in the L.L. Bean catalogue. But I didn't spot Jimmy anywhere.
"Has anyone seen Jimmy? Jimmy Curry?"
"Wait, don't take the picture yet, we're missing someone. Jimmy who?"
"Um. . . is this Megan's house?"
"No. . ."
That's when I realized I was standing in a stranger's house uninvited holding a paper flower. Later I thought about all the things that had gone wrong to put me there.

1. Jimmy forgot the corsage.
2. I was given the wrong street number.
3. The number I was given did exist, so google maps couldn't catch the mistake.
4. There were balloons leading right to where I was expecting the house to be.
5. The parents out front didn't know whose porch they were standing on either.

I eventually found the right house about half a mile a way. The rest of the night went off without a hitch. They're pretty careful around here. All the students had to pass a breathalyzer test to get into prom, which is probably a good idea. I remember when a group of prom kids came to stay at the resort I was working at about 10 years ago. They went on a drunken rampage, smashing golf carts and windows until the cops came and rounded them up. The cops had no problem identifying the troublemakers. It's hard to blend in with the tourists when you have a boutonnière on your lapel s'il vous plaît.
Wait. What?
-Dylan

#267

2011-05-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

So...what have I been up to since I stopped writing these newsletters? Well, much to the dismay of the neighbors who peek in our garage every time the garage door opens, I've made a guillotine.

I'm slowly working on my next puppet music video, and I wanted a real show stopper for the finale.

Much of this guillotine is made out of recycled wood that used to be Jo's desk top shelf for her art supplies.

Originally I thought I'd paint the whole thing brown when I was done, but this was the first cheerfully decorated guillotine I could remember seeing, so I left it as is.

The blade, which is actually quite dull, had a previous life as the lid to our bread box, which looked like this. . .

I hate to throw stuff away if I can reuse it. You'll be seeing the bamboo cutting board part of that bread box soon, when my electric bike kit finally gets here and I outfit my bike with various bits and bobs that would make Sanford and Son proud. The giant 16 lb. lithium battery for the bike is already here, so we're just waiting on the slow boat from China to bring my motor. Then I'll be able to leave my car parked while I zip past gas stations on my electric bike, leaving puzzled onlookers wondering, "Was that a bread box?"

-Dylan

#266

2011-05-13T18:35:00.000-07:00

Hello, fans, friends, and family.
As the subject line may have already tipped you off, this will be the last newsletter that I'll be sending out. . .in email form anyway. You may have noticed that these newsletters, that used to arrive in your inbox like clockwork, have petered out. I know exactly what the problem is, so I may as well tell you and try to fix it. These newsletters started way back in 2005, a year when the word "blog" still confused the spell checker. Since then, people have been steadily requesting to be on the mailing list, making it a GIANT group of people. And that fact alone makes it statistically more likely that someone is going want to be removed from the list each time I send out a newsletter. I'd like to say that this doesn't mess with my head, but at a certain point, it gets hard to share when I consistently get back, "Please remove me from your mailing list!" Obviously, I'm not talking about any of you. If you're reading this, you're among the silent majority that has appreciated me keeping you in the loop. And some of you have not been so silent, and I appreciate all of the kind words and encouragement you've given me over the years.

But it's 2011 now, and even grandma and grandpa know what a blog is. You probably didn't realize it, but these newsletters have also been mirrored on my blog for the last few years. So I think that will be the best format to continue sharing what's going on in the cart before the horse house. I'll be able to write again without feeling like I'm bugging someone somewhere.

I had an "ah-ha" moment while sorting the recycling that clued me into this subtle difference between writing a newsletter to email and writing a blog. I was removing a bunch of unread newspapers from their wet plastic bags and grumbling to myself, "Why am I getting the paper all of a sudden? I don't remember signing up for it. I should call the newspaper and get them to stop sending them because this is just getting to be a nuisance on recycling day. I know where to get the news!"
You see, I constantly have the BBC news in my headphones. They're more focused on world news, and their British accents give everything an ominous 1984 tone that I appreciate. So in that moment I realized that to some people, my newsletters are like those soggy unwanted newspapers on the lawn. So from now on, I'll be more like the BBC news. If you want to know what's going on, just stop by and visit me here. . .

Thanks for reading.
-Dylan

#265

2011-03-16T02:39:00.000-07:00

Hello, time travelers.

I've made another ridiculous video for you.

It uses another surviving tape recording of me from about 1979 or so.
The TV you hear in the background was in the room with me when I recorded myself. I didn't use any of the audio from the cartoon.
When we were kids, my brother and I had a G-Force club based on the Battle of the Planets cartoon. I don't know how I ended up being Tiny at the bottom of the totem pole,
but in another clip I brag that Tiny has the most tricks, so hey. . .what does the 37 year old me know about anything?

And here, as always, is the art.

Some is new
and some you know.
Take a view
or take 'em home.

-Dylan

#264

2011-02-24T23:09:00.000-08:00

This is a short one.
I promise to be brief.
We have a shelf full of Halloween clad friends that have been looking at Jo sideways for the last few months as if to say, "Why are we here?"
Well that is a good question, one we all must ask from time to time. But as far as these Halloween honeys go, they'd be much happier there with you than here with us, so we're offering them for 30% off with free shipping. This offer is good through March 1st and is for the in stock Halloween items only. Follow the picture link below and you'll be able to click on the picture to see each item's listing. Just use the coupon code "HALLOWEEN" when checking out.

-Dylan

2011-02-23T20:05:00.001-08:00

Hi all!
We have added a new member to our little family. She's living up on Jo's shelf. Here she is. . .

And of course the rest of the art can be found here.We just celebrated Jo's birthday back in Lincoln City on the Oregon coast. We had a relaxing time there staying in this bed and breakfast place that Jo's mom got for us for the night. But I think if they tried to squeezed one more nautical knick knack in there, the whole place would sink into the dune. There was a pool table in the living room that kept us entertained, until we gave up on the sticks and played the hand version of pool/air hockey that always results in bruised fingernails. We're still kids after all.
In other news, Kim Chernecky recently interviewed us for her blog. So if you're not already tired of hearing me talk, go check it out. There's a bit of our history as working artists discussed in it, so if you're curious about our story you can find it here.
Happy birthday to Jo, and if you have a birthday this year or possibly next year, happy birthday to you as well!

-Dylan

#262

2011-02-14T22:23:00.001-08:00

Why hello.
Here's the art.

What should you do when opportunity knocks? I guess it depends on what you see through the peephole. Jo was approached recently about licensing her designs for mass production overseas and national distribution of those CartBeforeTheHorse reproductions. We made lists of pros and cons, we wrote to other more experienced artists, and finally Jo and I arm wrestled. The arm wrestling was just for the fun of it though, because we both pretty much reached the same decision to not open the door on this opportunity. In 2003, when we started our little art business, we wrote this simple explanation of who we were. . .

"We are a mom and dad business, a two person
company of artists. We make the kind of art we'd
hang on our walls, then we open our doors to you.
We call ourselves CartBeforeTheHorse
because we're always getting ahead of ourselves.
All of our creations are made one at a time.
We make them with our own hands,
since these are the only hands we have."

This is a sentiment that we couldn't abandon easily. We're not against reproductions, but we'd prefer it if our hands were the ones to make them. So this is the road we're presently headed down. We've gotten some of our art printed on fabric, and we're figuring out cool stuff to make out of those prints, like this Little Red Riding Hood necklace.

Jo is also working on paper dolls that will be available soon for you to put together yourself. We're excited, so hopefully you all will be as well.
So. . . what have we learned today? When opportunity knocks, sometimes the best answer is, "Dave's not here."

-Dylan

#261

2011-01-31T02:00:00.000-08:00

Is it almost Valentine's Day again?
When are us guys going to catch a break?
Here are our Valentine friends. . .

You can find them here. . .
Our garage is the man cave. Who else would want it? With bikes parked, garbage and recycling cans guarding the door, a crusty mower waiting for spring, and boxes upon boxes of the past. Who wants this junky room?
I do. I'll plant a flag in it. It's mine.
Here's something made in the man cave recently.

I'm working on my music video, and this contraption holds a Christmas bulb up to my video camera. It gives it a fish eye lens type effect, but with those scratches and imperfections that you just can't get from using digital effects. Plus, I can spend hours pulling faces into that Christmas bulb. I can make my nose big enough to smell cheese steaks in Philly.

-Dylan

#260

2011-01-11T23:54:00.000-08:00

Jello,
Nice to see ya.
We finally have some new pieces finished and listed on etsy.
If the link doesn't work, just dial 911 and let them know you want to see some art. They should be more than helpful, and may even offer you a ride in a real police car!

Most days, Jo is at her table painting, and I'm at my rickety folding table in front of the computer stuffing microscopic doll arms and watching Netflix. Once in while we'll scratch our heads and wonder "when was my last day off?" So in answer to that question, I've been trying to make time recently for my hobbies. Yes, the puppet set has been unpacked, and I'm working on repairing some damage caused in its relocation from the coast to here. I didn't feed the set to the wood chipper as I had previously threatened because I've got one more music video in me I'm afraid. I'm doing something different for the puppet heads in each video, and this one will have little TV heads with ipod touches inside to supply the screen. Here's a picture of what it might look like minus the ipods. . .

I'm going to try to get more movement out of these puppets this time. I want the puppets to bleed their stuffing all over the stage. I want amplifiers smashed and heads rolling on the ground. ROCK & ROLL!!!. . .puppetry. I know. Puppets aren't very tough sounding. But when you make dolls for a living, working with puppets is living on the edge.

-Dylan

#259

2010-12-28T01:07:00.000-08:00

Hello, all.
I hope you had a good Christmas.
We had a fine time, but we're back to work now. You'll find us on our website, and etsy.
We made a few home-made presents for family this year, as you might expect. Jo's brother, Andrew, asked me several weeks ago if I wanted to help him record the Beatles' song "When I'm 64" for my in-laws. His step-dad, Steve, just turned 64 this year, and Andrew sang it at their wedding years ago, so it has some significance to them. It's not my favorite Beatles song, being more of a John guy myself, but I think we made it work. We passed the 16 track recorder around so that Steve's sister, Kate Power, and her husband, Steve Einhorn, could sing and play a bit of banjo and guitar on it as well. We even talked Jo and our daughter, Kaity, into singing a few lines in the last verse. Our son wouldn't sing, but we put the squeeze on him tight enough to get a few whistles out of him for the song. So if you're interested in hearing it, you can download it using this link. If you click on it and it doesn't download, try right clicking on it, then choosing "save target as."

When we played it for them on Christmas, we were hoping they'd recognize the singing voices as their family, but they thought it was the Beatles until they heard some of the lyrics changed. We got rid of "Vera, Chuck, and Dave" and replaced it with their grandkids, "Jimmy and Kaity Rae." Once they realized what they were listening to, they were brought to tears. Score!

Here are the credits, in order of appearance:

Bass and lead guitar-Dylan Curry
Drums, vocals, and guitar-Andrew James
Banjo and vocals- Kate Power
Guitar, vocals, and "mouth trombone"-Steve Einhorn
Vocals-Kaity Curry
Vocals-Jo James
Whistling-Jimmy Curry
Vocals-Yellena James

Hope you enjoy it. . .
-Dylan

#258

2010-12-16T00:13:00.000-08:00

Hello, everyone.
This is a newsletter first. . .
No links in this email to our art.
Why, you ask?
Because I'm hiding them until after Christmas,
and I'm not even going to give you hot and cold clues.
We are thankful to be booked up until after Christmas production-wise.
Thank you very much to everyone that kept us so busy
this year. We appreciate your support.

So without any art to sell, what do I write?
I sat down to write some silly parody of
The Night Before Christmas.
What came out instead sounded more like
The Raven and was kind of. . .stupid.
But friends, I'll tell you plainly,
I am not above being stupid.
So please enjoy. . .
. . .a piece of work too dumb to destroy. . .

"A Magicless Christmas"

Once upon a merry Cringle
As I sat there eating Pringles
With twinkling stars upon my set
It was David Letterman
And David Arquette

When the ceiling did open
And down came a ladder
And I jumped up and was like,
"What's the matter?"

Then from the attic
Who should appear?
But six white rats
With etsy beards

They winked at me once
Which was a bit off-putting
Then they scampered away
Like they found some pudding

Another glorious Christmas ends
Good night
God's speed
Good luck
Amen

-Dylan

#257

2010-11-28T22:32:00.001-08:00

Hello, everyone.
We have some new pieces on the website since I wrote to you last, so be sure to check that out. . .

I hope you all had a tasty Thanksgiving on Thursday, and continue to enjoy the leftovers. Here's a tip from Captain Hobo for enjoying your leftovers . . . you can roll just about anything up in a tortilla and eat it with one hand, leaving your other hand free to set a fire in garbage can, thumb a ride, or play the harmonica (not recommended.)
We celebrated Thanksgiving in Lincoln City on the coast with Jo's folks. We stayed in a trailer in their yard, which is their guest room. The bed is several inches from the ceiling, so I'm recommending to Jo that she wear a helmet next time. I tried to keep count of how many times she bumped her head, but it's difficult to count when you're nursing your own concussion.

-Dylan

2010-11-15T22:26:00.000-08:00

I'm back!
Sorry to have been gone so long.
We finally have some new pieces listed both on etsy and our website.
Click away. . .

Our daughter will be coming home soon for one of the longest Thanksgiving weekends I've ever seen scheduled, about 9 days long. I say she's coming "home" but she doesn't call this house home. She calls it "my parents' house" since she never lived here. But we want it to feel like the home she knew before we moved, so we've transformed the craft room/ junk room/ guest room into something that resembles her old room. We painstakingly peeled the springtime themed decals off the walls and painted over the worst shade of pink ever mixed in a paint can, choosing instead a nice off-white. We put up a few decorations, and suddenly it became the best looking room in the house. To be honest, the other bedrooms weren't giving it much competition. Would you believe that our bedroom isn't decorated in the slightest? I know. I'm surprised too. It kind of looks like a room in a halfway house, without any art on the walls and a cheap particle board dresser in the corner. I guess after living and breathing art the rest of the day, Jo just wants somewhere void of all art to collapse and recharge. Our son's room is definitely no match for our daughter's new room. It looks like someone placed a bomb inside the dirty cloths hamper.

-Dylan

#255

2010-11-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

Hi, all.
Here are two great places to find us: our website and etsy.

I hope you all had a memorable Halloween. This might be the last Halloween our son will go trick-or-treating. He's 15, so he's just a growth spurt away from scaring people into turning off their porch lights, which is how I knew it was time to retire from trick-or-treating when I was a teenager. Jo made his costume this year, like so many costumes before. He was a lumberjack, complete with a homemade beard and paper mache ax. Here's a picture. . .

This is the first time we've lived in a neighborhood that had an actual shot of attracting costumed candy beggars. We've always lived in places hidden from the road or off the beaten path, but we're in the suburbs now. The number of solicitors we've had ringing our doorbell in the last few months was the first indication that we'd better stock up on candy for Halloween. We did in fact get enough trick-or-treaters to satisfy us and drive our dog crazy, but the serious candy collectors went straight for the rich neighborhood around the corner. All the streets leading into it were lined with cars parked on both sides. Shameless! I could hardly find a spot to drop off our own group of kids.

-Dylan

#254

2010-10-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

Hi, friends.

There's still some Halloween pieces of ours on etsy.
And don't forget to visit the little house of art on our website.

We're home now after a trip to visit our daughter at her new collegiate home, and I'm jealous. It's an endless cycle of reading, naps, pick up games of flag football, and lots of nighttime entertainment like Gypsy Jazz bands and improv comedy. I'm not quite sure it prepares them for a world of working, paying bills, and vehicle repair, but who cares? Let them have their fun.
Our daughter supposedly has two roommates, but we have only spotted one. The other one might be a decoy to get a bigger room, I'm not sure. However many girls actually live there, they all live at the same level of sloppiness, which is a good thing. We wouldn't want our daughter to feel pressured by pockets of tidiness around the room. Our daughter has a lonely fish that mostly plays dead at the bottom of its empty fish bowl. It's lack of activity has earned it the name Stoner Fish.
The other thing I love about campus life is that everyone either rides a bike or walks to their destination. Our daughter wanted to take us to her favorite restaurant, specializing in pumpkin pancakes, but she only knew how to get there by walking on the railroad tracks. She seemed disappointed and a bit disoriented when we took the car. I tried to explain, "We're not walking on the tracks in the rain. We're just going to breakfast, this isn't Stand by Me."

-Dylan

#253

2010-10-19T20:03:00.001-07:00

Hi, friends.
We've got some one-of-a-kind pieces up for auction on ebay.
And there's more Halloweeny pieces of ours on etsy.
And then there's always the little house of art on our website.

I realize I haven't taken too many work-in-progress pictures for you. That's usually covered over on Jo's blog, where coherent thoughts are artfully combined with colorful images. But one out of two isn't bad here on my newsletter, so pictures it is. I'm particularly excited about this one, even if he is only half-way finished. We'll be retiring the fork-footed crows soon, and I wanted something in the same spirit to replace it. The forks have become too unpredictable for me to keep working with. The kind that bend well look exactly like the kind that snap in two, and I don't think they'd be too happy with me at the store if I tried to figure out which was which before I bought them. . . although I have performed such stress tests before while no one was looking. Anyway, forks are out, darling, where have you been? Wooden landing gear is all the rage. So I present to you Hughes. . .or the ghost of Hughes, at least until Jo paints him.

You know we're excited about a piece when we name him before he's even painted. He's named after Howard Hughes, of course. Aviator, billionaire, genius inventor, and completely missing a moral barometer. . .all the right ingredients for an interesting biography. So look for Hughes on our website and etsy in the coming weeks. We're headed to parent's weekend up at our daughter's college later this week, so there may be some flight delays for Hughes. But it will be worth the wait.

-Dylan

#252

2010-10-10T15:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, all.
Just a reminder that some of our auctions for one-of-a-kind pieces will end soon, and there will be more listed tonight, which will end in a week. You can find them by clicking this link.

And there's more Halloweeny pieces of ours on etsy.

And don't forget the link to our little house of art on our website.

Links are kind of like elevator buttons. You push them, and you don't really have to worry about the mechanics of how they take you to your desired destination, you just get transported there. Unfortunately, someone hijacked my elevator this week. I'd type something into google, get my list back of websites I might potentially want to visit, but when I clicked on one I'd get taken to where the hacker wanted me to go, which was usually some crummy looking search engine page with lots of ads. Now this just wouldn't do. I felt about the same way you'd feel knowing someone was tinkering with your car at night. Of course I'm going to sit up all night in a tree with a crossbow waiting for them.
But this man-made virus was slippery and had teeth. It disabled windows defender, wouldn't let me search for or download anti-virus programs, and threw up fake security warnings with "clean computer" buttons that I dared not touch. I was finally able to download AVG, a free anti-virus program that all the egg heads recommended, and I now recommend it to you with my own oddly shaped head. Somewhere on my computer I now have a vault where these trojan beasts are housed. Sometimes I visit them and turn into the warden from Cool Hand Luke.
"What we have here is a failure to communicate."

-Dylan

#251

2010-10-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone!
It's October! And we all know what that means. Time is moving too fast!
He have some of our pieces up for auction on ebay. One will end tonight and three more will end on Sunday night. Here they are. . .
And here's where you'll find more Halloweeny pieces of ours on etsy.
And of course, our little house of original art is here, on our website.

I finally got to see the Portland night scene in action this last Thursday night. I helped a friend sell his art on Alberta street, which becomes a makeshift art festival on the last Thursday of each month. There were hipsters on tall bikes, which are a made by welding a couple of bikes together to make a bike that seats its rider about six feet off the ground. There were girls dressed as long-legged fairies on stilts, and there was a fashion show of girls walking down a catwalk of welcome mats laid end to end, each girl sporting a hat made of recycled materials. "You didn't tell me there were fashion models," says Jo with a raised eyebrow.
Jo and I also got to see our son perform in the homecoming parade that marched and princess-waved it's way through town. Seeing him walk like a robot was a nice change from his home position of being slumped over a piece of furniture texting on his iPod touch. The parade didn't stop some of the kids from texting though. Some of them did a pretty good job throwing candy at us with their left hand, while their right hand typed "OMG."

-Dylan

#250

2010-09-26T23:45:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends.
We're back from the Halloween and Vine show, and we are tarred. That's "tired" with a southern accent, which I slip into sometimes when I'm. . .tarred.
Here's our website, which I'll be updating in the next few days with some new Halloween pieces.
And here's where you'll find us on etsy.

We set out on Thursday for Petaluma, California with our newly built display and several tubs full of Halloween art, all stuffed into a Toyota Prius borrowed from Jo's mom. We tried to make Tom Tom understand that we wanted to follow 101 all the way down the coast to the show, but he was insistent that we take the interstate. We eventually just ignored him, and we're glad that we did. We got to wind our way through the redwood forest and see oddities like the one log log house and a giant depiction of Paul Bunyan and his anatomically correct ox.
The show was amazing, and no one could believe that it was our first. I met so many incredible people that I had to implore mental games to try and remember all their names, an exercise I'm not particularly good at. I can name most classic rock songs in the first few notes, and my brother and I used to play a game where we would see who could rattle off a synopsis of a Brady Bunch episode the quickest as the opening scene began. . . but names are hard for me. There is a leaky cavity in my head where they are supposed to get stored, but it seems to be filled with information about how Greg will redecorate the den into a groovy pad once Mr. Brady moves all of his architecture crap out of the way of the plot. But I digress. I met a lot of talented and friendly people. That's what I'm trying to get at.

We headed out after the show, planning to find a hotel along the way when my eyes gave out, but they never did. I just jogged around parking lots once in a while to get my blood pumping again and push through 12 hours of what is basically a very boring video game about keeping a car within the lines and within a limited range of speed. Those 12 hours got us back to Jo's mom's house, but it was too early to show up, so we parked at a lookout next to the beach and slept for a while in the car. I woke up to Jo saying, "It's raining on my face. Turn on the car, I need to get the window up."

After switching back to our trusty but quirky '86 Volvo wagon, we knocked out the last 1 1/2 hours to our new house in Sherwood, glad that we had done the show, but relieved to get back to our own bed. Not even Greg's groovy pad can compete with the comforts of our own home.

-Dylan

#249

2010-09-22T23:24:00.000-07:00

Hello, all!
Sorry that I've gone missing in action again.
We have been toiling night and day (do people still toil?) getting ready for the Halloween and Vine show this Saturday in Petaluma, California. It's our fist show, so we were starting from scratch. Our next show will be a piece of cake now that we have a display built. Some of the display is taken from my puppet set, and some of it (like the sign) was whipped up in the last few days. Here's a picture for ya. . .

We'll be taking highway 101 down the coast, borrowing Jo's mom's Prius to save gas. . . and save us from having to deal with some of the quirks our old Volvo wagon has. The fact that the passenger side window doesn't roll down is nothing but charming when we run our errands locally, but on a 13 hour drive, not so much.
Our website is still up and running, but we've put our Etsy shop in vacation mode until we get back. We don't have a laptop to stay connected, so we'll be hitting the libraries when we can to answer emails. That's how we roll.

-Dylan

#248

2010-09-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

Hello, all!
Here's our website, home of our art, and here's etsy, where we rent a room with a view.

Apart from continuing to work on art for the upcoming Halloween and Vine show (52 pieces in the works), Jo and I have been editing. I think editing is the right word for it. We're editing our wants, editing our possessions, and redefining our needs. We got rid of cable TV a while back, and we don't miss it at all. . .not the programming or the bills. We got rid of one of our cars immediately after dropping our daughter off at college. She's using a bike to get around campus, and I'm using a bike to get around town, so why do we need two cars sitting in the driveway? The next thing to go is. . .just about everything, but we'll wait until our son goes off to college in a few years for that. Jo and I have been talking about building a tiny house on a trailer, which has some big advantages. First is that we could build our house in just a few weeks, and it won't take 30 years to pay off. If we use recycled building materials, which are plentiful and free around here, we can build it for almost nothing. The second advantage is that we can take it anywhere, following the good weather, art festivals, or our kids. "That's right, we're parked in your driveway. Deal with it."
Yes, there may be a few disadvantages, like having to get rid of just about everything we own. But we find ourselves using such a small percentage of it each day, maybe it won't be so bad. If you can't picture what I'm taking about, here's an example.

We toyed with the idea of building this thing now in our backyard, like some homemade boat that we tinker on for the next three years before launching it, but we've decided to wait. We'll just keep editing for now.

-Dylan

#247

2010-09-06T02:40:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends!
Sorry to be gone so long.
Here's the art. . .
... and there's more on etsy.
Since we last spoke, Jo and I have been feverishly creating pieces for the Halloween and Vine show. You have to watch yourself before sitting on the couch around here. . . there are tiny body parts and heads everywhere.
I helped our friend, Matt, sell his art this week at a guerrilla style art show in Woodstock. That's Woodstock. . . as in the neighborhood of Woodstock in Portland. Everyplace in Oregon is named after somewhere else. So some local young people invited artists and bands to come art up the street, which they blockaded off without permission from the city. But they had asked all of the local businesses, and everyone was cool with it. Matt's jewelry and art made from old skateboard decks drew a lot of compliments and sales. You can check it out here.
So that Woodstock gathering got me excited about selling my own folk art at local shows. I haven't made many guitars or record players out of old junk in the last few years, but I'm going to work on them again and sell them locally. We seem to have the right crowd here to appreciate that sort of thing. Here's a guitar I just finished.

See you later. . .

-Dylan

#246

2010-08-23T00:03:00.001-07:00

Hello, citizens!
Here's the art. . .
It's official. Our household is one short now. I took my daughter to the bus station this week so she could head off to college early and go on a five day hike through the mountains before classes start. Putting her on a bus wasn't the way I imagined her leaving for school, but we're driving up next week with her junk, so the bus made more sense. She arranged it all, and I tried not to take over. We got to the greyhound ticket booth to pick up the ticket she bought online, and I realized that I didn't need to speak for her anymore. She's got it handled. Well, sort of. She had made the reservation for July 18th instead of August 18th, so we were actually a month late for the bus ride she had reserved. But that all got worked out, and she rambled into her new college town with her backpack on like the legend of Bob Dylan. . .but looking more like Tina Fey in a feel good summer movie about camping. We're so happy for her!
Our son is feeling the weight of band camp on his sunburned shoulders. In movies, there's just a montage to show a band slowly getting better. But in reality, it takes time and practice practice practice, which they are doing plenty of. He's in the drum line, and they're sounding better everyday. One nearby neighbor to the school raved, "Do you realize it's 8:30 in the mother f-ing morning?"
High praise indeed.

-Dylan

#245

2010-08-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends.
Here's the art. . .
Just as one family of art is ready to depart our home. . .

. . .another group shows up at the door with blank looks on their faces. . .

I'm sure Jo will take them under her wing and sort them out before sending them off into the world. We're about to unleash our daughter onto the world as well next week as she goes off to college. Jo and Kaity are out shopping for school stuff now. It's better that I don't go. I have a hobo's mentality about spending money. "New shoes! What's wrong with duct taping newspapers to your feet like everyone else?"

-Dylan

#244

2010-08-08T00:57:00.000-07:00

Hiya, kids!
Back by popular demand, we have some raindrop ornaments as well as some cloud ornaments listed on etsy.

And we have a one-of-kind Halloween piece that can be found here.

And the rest of our art, as usual, found here.

My parents are visiting us this week. They have a house in Satellite Beach, Florida, but they are currently living and working in New Orleans. I've known them a long time, and they've known each other even longer. Today is their 40th wedding anniversary in fact. Nice round numbers seem to stick out for some reason. On their 20th anniversary, my brother was at the Air Force Academy, and I was on vacation with my parents in New Orleans. None of us had a clue back then that they would one day live there. My memories from that trip include listening to books on tape to fulfill my English reading requirements for my upcoming senior year of high school. I played them at high speed to further conserve my valuable time. I also remember trying to lure a giant river rat closer to me with a warm beignet.
I'm one of those rare people that had an ideal childhood. Just the sounds of my parents' voices in the house is one of the most calming things to me, even today. It takes me back to being a kid, lying in bed trying to fall asleep with my Dad's booming voice and my Mom's heartfelt laugh in the next room. It's one of my favorite things to hear, which is why I put their voices, taken off an old home video, at the beginning of my music video for "Old Ghost." It's a detail I put in for my own enjoyment. If you haven't seen it yet, or if you want to watch it again and listen for Jim and Leslie Curry, here 'tis.

-Dylan

#243

2010-07-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hello, (proper noun)!
I hope my (adjective) (noun) hasn't made you (verb) me.
Here's the (adjective) link to our website.

And here's a scrambled sneak peak at a couple of one-of-a-kind pieces we've been working on. . .

One of them will be available on the EHAG Emporium on Saturday, July 31st at 9PM EST, and the other will be available on Etsy an hour later. The one listed on the EHAG Emporium will be sold to the first person to request an invoice from dylancurry@msn.com after it has been posted.
Here's a link to the EHAG Emporium, just in case you want to go sniff around there early.
And while I'm handing out links, I should mention that Jo's blog is consistently the better place to look for all these time sensitive bits of info regarding our art. As many of you know, my newsletter/ blog does an excellent job of keeping you abreast of other important matters and observations of mine, like what is the most common item to be lost by the side of the road by motorists. It's cooler lids, in case you're wondering, with metal bolts coming in a close second. I have to stop myself from picking up these useful items and bringing them home. . .like a crazy person.
-Dylan

#242

2010-07-19T15:51:00.001-07:00

Hello, artists and art fans.
Here's where you'll find most of our work, which is all 20% through Sunday, July 25th.

Just email me for your discounted invoice with the subject line "Happy July", or just use the checkout system as it is and magically get a refund for the discounted amount within 24 hours.

We also have a one-of-a-kind piece on ebay.

My brother is back from Afghanistan and came for a visit with his family. My nieces love to play dress up, so Jo and I made them some crowns out of quilted muslin.

If you'd like a pattern for these crowns, they are available locally for free with the purchase of a cheeseburger. Aunt Joee was also the ring leader of craft time with the girls, guiding them through projects such as cloth flowers with glitter. I believe it was comedian Demetri Martin that described glitter as the herpes of craft supplies. Accurate.
We also went to a parade here in Sherwood. Apparently it's a tradition that goes way back, and is loosely themed on Robin Hood. I'm not sure where these robots fit into the story of Robin Hood, but I'm pretty sure we caught the lead robot texting.

I hope your week was as memorable as ours.

-Dylan

#241

2010-07-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

Hello, readers.
We have some new art on our website, finally. Here 'tis.

Our goal has always been to have something new each week to share on our website, but having to pack up and move to a new town made us fall a little short of that goal recently. Hopefully we're back on track now. We feel like we are anyway.
Jo and I went about setting up our new house from two very different perspectives. Since Jo is so visual, every knick and knack had to be placed just so before she could rest. I'm more auditory, so as long as I have tunes in my headphones, I'm happy to throw all our junk in the corner, leaving the rest of the room open in case we want to break dance or play lawn darts or something.

-Dylan

#240

2010-07-11T18:28:00.001-07:00

Hello, everyone.
We're getting back to our roots this week with a one-of-a-kind piece up for auction on ebay. Let me present Alice and her Cheshire Cart. . .

And the rest of our art is on our website, as always. . .

We're pretty much settled into our new house here in Sherwood, Oregon. You know you're settled when you get up in the middle of the night and you know just where the light switch is. But then again, if you're waking up in the middle of the night, maybe you're not settled. It is hot here, and we don't have air conditioning. I haven't started to hallucinate yet from lack of sleep like I did when our air conditioner broke in Florida, but then again, that giant baby that rides his scooter around our living room might not be real.

Another change I'm trying to make in our new surroundings is a game I call "park the car." Basically, I try to leave the car parked and use my bike to run our errands as much as possible. I tried attaching milk crates to the back of my bike to store groceries in with limited success. Instead of breaking down and just buying a bike rack or a basket, I'm sweating out in the garage trying to screw together milk crates, scrap wood, and old license plates. But it turned out way too Sanford and Son, even for me.
Another do it yourself project this week was my head. This extreme heat will make you do strange things, and in an attempt to cool off, I tried to give myself a haircut in the yard with my electric beard trimmer. Jo had to take over at a certain point, repeating to herself over and over "Oh my God. . . oh my God." She still looks sadly at the back of my head, but I can't see back there, so I'm good.

-Dylan

#239

2010-07-01T22:56:00.001-07:00

Hi, friends.
Here's the art. . .
Yes, Jo and I have successfully moved our lives, our business, and all of our possessions to our new home in Sherwood, Oregon. As most of you know, it's really quite tiring to sort through, box, and transport every single thing that you own. It's also dangerous work. My legs and arms are as bruised as they are tired, and I have used up all of the band-aids and begun making my own out of paper towels and shipping labels.

I took my first walk through our new suburban surroundings last night at 1 AM. It was a little different than my usual walk under the stars on a secluded beach. I wasn't out ten minutes before a spotlight fell on me from a car approaching me from behind. Yup, it was the fuzz. The spotlight went out and he continued up the street, until reaching the intersection where he turned on all his lights, did a quick u-turn, then pulled up near me and gave me the full blinding spotlight welcome. Hands out of the pockets and palms forward.
"What are you doing up so late?" asked the voice behind the second hand-held light in my face.
"I'm just a night owl."
"How old are you?"
That one caught me off guard, and I didn't remember for a second.
"Um. . .37."
"37? You look a lot younger. I thought you were a juvenile out past curfew."
"Thanks."
"Do you have ID?"
"I do."
Eventually the lights got redirected, and my eyes adjusted to see a short, friendly looking Hispanic cop in his twenties. We talked about my moving there, the schools in town, and the festival coming up, until it was just another pleasant conversation with a neighbor.

So now I have to decide if I want to cut my hair and start dressing like all of the other joggers and power walkers in town, or do I want to keep my ID handy. If you've been reading these newsletters for a while, I'm sure you already know the answer.

-Dylan

#238

2010-06-23T02:07:00.000-07:00

Hi, all.
Here's where you'll find most of our creations. . .

. . .and we have some little gee-tars made by yours truly listed on etsy. . .

Yesterday was our daughter's 18th birthday, and it will be remembered as the day her boyfriend gave her a black eye. No, it's not what you're thinking. If it were, I'd be writing this newsletter from jail. The way it really happened was all very innocent, and a complete accident. They were just roughhousing. No, roughhousing is too masculine a word for what they were doing. They were giggle wrestling and her boyfriend's noggin landed a blow to her face that knocked her glasses off and made her eye swell up something fierce. Happy birthday!
We are less than a week away from our big move to Sherwood, Oregon, and about 90% of our belongings are already in the garage waiting for me to back up the U-haul. The remaining 10% of our belongings still in the house make the place look like it's inhabited by squatters. The computer is on a folding table, and the laundry is in garbage bags. We are living in a no man's land between the old life and the new one. While we're still here, I've been riding my bike to the beach every opportunity that I get. I will sorely miss the beach. Where else can an oddly dressed man walk at 3 AM without looking suspicious?

-Dylan

#237

2010-06-14T03:20:00.000-07:00

Hello, graduates!
Here's our latest work. . .

Just a reminder that today, June 14th, is the last day of our "things with wings" sale. Everything on our website with wings is still 20% off through today. Just email us for your discounted invoice.
Our daughter graduated high school this week. Well, more than just graduated. . .she was her school's Valedictorian, and we are proud beyond words. Her Valedictorian speech was brief, which was probably a wise decision on her part. I hate to say it, but I think the internet, with its instant smorgasbord of light entertainment like youtube, has shortened our society's attention span. The audience held their tongues for the first couple of speakers, but every speaker to follow was given less and less respect. Somewhere inside me, my mind was channeling an 80 year old basketball coach, dying to yell, "Grab some wood there, bub, and button it!"
After the ceremony, the graduates went to grad-nite, where a hypnotist entertained them by making them sniff each other and lip synch Britney Spears songs. Next year I propose they have the hypnotist be the first speaker at the graduation ceremony, where his services can do some good.

-Dylan

2010-06-07T11:43:00.001-07:00

Hello, friends.
Here's the missing link. . .

We are having a sale this week only on things with wings. 20% off of anything on our website with wings of any kind. Just write to us and mention "things with wings" or "the whopper beat the big mac" and we'll know what you mean and send you the discounted invoice for your winged friends. The sale is good through June 14th. Here's a picture of just a few of our winged creatures.

As most of you know, we are moving at the end of this month. It was probably no more than ten or fifteen minutes after we got the phone call informing us that we got the house that we started to pack. We packed things we wouldn't need for a while, and things that we'd need later that same day. Everything within arms reach was boxed up, taped up, and stacked up in the garage. Now we have to go out there to look for stuff when we need it. We didn't get the name Cart Before The Horse for nothing.

-Dylan

#235

2010-05-30T13:53:00.001-07:00

Hello, music fans.
We will have some new pieces to share with you soon on our website. We've made some of our skeletons in different sizes, I just need to edit their pictures and get them onto our website. But I didn't want to wait any longer to send the newsletter, because my music video for Old Ghost is finished and ready for you as promised. Be sure to watch it in HD. Here 'tis...

I had a lot of fun putting together the credits because it was only a matter of hours from the time that I had the idea to the time they were finished. . .unlike the music video which was really the product of several years worth of days off tinkering in the garage. But I tried to enjoy every step along the way, from studying the original set in the Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus, to building the puppet set and instruments, sewing the puppets, shooting it with my son, Jimmy, as my main go-to puppeteer, editing it on the computer, and a million other steps I won't bother to list. I have no idea how many hours were logged working on this and the first video, and I have no idea why I did it other than I felt compelled to. I had an idea that seemed like a good one, and I was tired of hearing myself talk about good ideas without seeing them through.
Now I have to move on to the next video, the next song, the next scheme, the next fill in the blank that makes me jump out of bed in the morning (or early afternoon.)

-Dylan

#234

2010-05-23T23:41:00.001-07:00

Hello, friends.
We're happy to say that despite all of the house hunting we had to do this week, we still managed to make something new to share with you. Here 'tis.

I'm also happy to say that we GOT A HOUSE!!!
It was quite the rat race, but earlier today we finally managed to be first on the scene, AND stood out as the exemplary tenants that we are. We move in on July 1st. Now it's time to hit the liquor store. . .for moving boxes. What did you think I meant?
More good news. . .my next music video will make its much anticipated world premier on Sunday, May 30th. It's pretty much done, except for some minor tweaking. I'll send you a link next week. I had hoped to get the third video done as well before we moved, but that would be lunacy. They are way too much work to rush through, so the puppet set will be coming with us after all to our new digs, dig? By the way, I was only kidding before when I said my puppet set had a date with a wood chipper. When it is time to retire the beast, everything will get recycled into the art.
Speaking of art, do you need any? We'd love to make you some.

-Dylan

#233

2010-05-17T22:13:00.001-07:00

Hello, everyone.
We don't have any new designs finished this week, but there is still plenty to choose from--

Sorry for the lack of newsletters the last couple of weekends. Two weekends ago we had house guests, Angi and Silas, so I played hooky from my usual routine of writing the newsletter. But it's rare to meet people that really live and breathe their art like these two do, so I wanted to give them my full attention while they were here.
Since they left, Jo and I have been endlessly driving back and forth to Sherwood, Oregon looking for a house to move into next month. We've been beaten to the punch at every house we've been scheduled to see so far, sometimes getting the phone call saying the house is no longer available as we pull up. But the biggest surprise has been the number of scam listings we've encountered on craigslist. It goes something like this: a house that's perfect in every way, and quite affordable is ready to be rented right now. . .the only problem is that the landlord had to go to West Africa to care for a dying child, so could we send a wire transfer for the deposit to them there?
Ummm. . . no.
We got to one house before the owner could come by and clean up all of the foreclosure notices and unpaid lawn maintenance fees stapled to the door.
Next!
My favorite scam was the one that said, "Ignore the sign in front of the house that says 'NOT FOR RENT!' We put that up ourselves to scare away real estate agents."
How does that work exactly?
But not to worry. We'll find the right house for us yet.

-Dylan

#232

2010-05-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

Hiya, all.
As always, the new stuff is up in the attic.

I mentioned last week that I had an idea for puppets with TV heads for my video. Well, I'm one step closer to having them ready. Here's a work-in-progress picture.

That's an iPod touch inside the brown one. They still have to get paper mached on the back and painted. . . get their knobs, antenna, etc. I think these would actually be a cool way to watch a movie on an iPod touch. I can see hipsters all over the world clamoring for one. . .that is if hipsters are capable of clamoring.
"Whatever, man."
Yes, you will be hearing a lot about my adventures in music videos in the coming weeks, because I'm spending all of my spare time working on them. The Cart Before the Horse is MOVING after the school year is over, and the puppet set must meet its fate with a wood chipper in just a couple of months.
We could conceivably move anywhere we want. All we need to do business is an internet connection and a post office. . . and that describes just about everywhere. But we're not actually going too far, just to Sherwood, Oregon, where the schools are better. I like moving, and will make the decision to do it in a split second. When Jo asked me eight years ago if I wanted to move to Oregon when she finished college, I answered something like, "I don't see why not." Or maybe it was, "Whatever, man."
We didn't have jobs waiting for us or any money. . .just a couple of brand new credit cards, and an itch to go.

-Dylan

#231

2010-04-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends.
Here's the art. . .

Apart from sewing and stuffing teeny tiny bits of cloth under a microscope this week, I worked on editing the second of my music video trilogy. I also did some brainstorming for the third and final video, which I haven't begun shooting yet. I want to do something different with the puppet heads in each video. The first one had photo faces cut out of paper, the second will have cloth doll heads, and this is my idea for the third. . .

Notice, this is just a rough photoshopped approximation of what it will look like. I plan on making the TV heads out of wood and putting the kids' ipod touches inside to supply the screens. I'm not sure if I will actually build a guitar that looks like an old cable box. Will anyone under 30 even know what it is? Scratch that rhetorical question. I don't really care if any of these two-thumbed-texters-today recognize these old electronic relics. I have fond memories of rotary phones, typewriters, and rabbit eared TVs that leave a little spot in the middle when you turn them off.
I just watched a six part documentary about Monty Python, and it took me back to a time when I had to actually stay up late to see a program, which I tuned into focus on my little black and white TV with the round UHF antenna.
Am I preachin' to the choir here? Can I get an amen?

-Dylan

#230

2010-04-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

Good morning, students.
Here's the art. . .

We're back from our final visit to check out schools with our daughter, and a decision has been made. The winner is. . . Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington!

It's a prestigious school with a beautiful campus, but man is it out in the middle of nowhere. We passed nothing but wind farms for a hundred miles. If they could find a way to export isolation, they'd be doing alright.

Once at the campus, we toured resident halls with their trademark pianos, foosball tables, and laundry rooms. We attended mock classes with teachers giving lectures on a Saturday to prospective students and their parents. I overheard at lunch that an economics class got slightly heated with some parents lecturing the teacher. Glad I missed that.
We toured the radio station and stood quietly behind the peach fuzzed DJ while he introduced the next obscure jazz song.
And once our daughter knew that she was looking at the school she'd spend the next four years attending, we headed for the bookstore and loaded up on Whitman hats, sweaters, and shirts. They sold bowties too in honor of their president's fashion sense, but it's hard to rock a bowtie unless you're a professor or a politician. And as you know, I am neither.
Sometimes our daughter seems so ready for this next step, and then she'll say something like, "I could kayak home on the weekends there in the Columbia River. What? It would only take me like a day."

-Dylan

#229

2010-04-11T13:36:00.001-07:00

4/9/10
Hello, readers.
Here's the art. . .

I'm writing this newsletter in a hotel room in Tacoma, Washington. I'll hunt and peck it out later on my computer at home. I've brought my daughter up the winding interstate, past countless gas stations and roadside restaurants, to visit one of her top two choices of colleges. Her list has been whittled down by financial aid offers to here, Pacific Lutheran University, and Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington. She's not here with me now in this cheap but clean hotel room. She's fifteen minutes away, probably trying to get to sleep on the hard floor of a dorm room in her sleeping bag. At least, the dorm should have been only fifteen minutes away.
We set out from the hotel with our trusty Tom Tom calling out the turns with satellite guided precision. Only problem was, Tom Tom wouldn't stick to the inside of the windshield. It kept falling, and we kept resticking it, our thumbs all over it every time. Somewhere in that process, we reset it to navigate home. We were back on the interstate in rush hour traffic before we discovered the mistake. A short drive turned into an hour long fiasco, backtracking towards where my common sense would have taken me if I hadn't taken Tom Tom's advice to "turn right in 800 yards."
Later this year, we'll lose our daughter to one of these schools, calling to her with comprehensive art programs, and recycling practices that would make Jimmy Carter grin wider than usual. She will be painfully missed, but I wish her anything and everything she wants.

-Dylan

#228.5

2010-04-07T18:30:00.001-07:00

Hello, all.
This is a rare and highly collectible Wednesday newsletter!
I have one announcement and one story for you.
Which would you like first?
Alright, the announcement. . .we are the featured sellers right now on etsy. It's a two day gig, so go be a witness to this monumental moment in history!
Ok, I may have exaggerated our place in the history books, but check out the interview anyway. . .

Now a quick family story, then I'll leave your Wednesday alone. Jo's aunt just sent us one of those cards in the mail that plays a song when you open it. Now I hate to think of something with batteries and a speaker hidden inside as being disposable, so I took the guts out of it and booby trapped our daughter's dresser drawer with it. But unlike the card that stops playing the song when you close it, the drawer would continue playing the song over and over. I knew it would startle her, because she's pretty easy to scare, but it didn't even occur to me that I wouldn't be the first suspect on her list after discovering what it was. It went off early in the morning as she was dressing for school, and her first thought was that a serial killer had gotten her whole family and was now toying with her. What an imagination on this one.
So that was a second use for those electronics. Now the batteries are going to replace the dead ones in our garage door remote.
If a serial killer doesn't get me, I'll see you on Sunday. . .

-Dylan

#228

2010-04-04T20:15:00.001-07:00

Remember, Dylan, no religion. . . no politics. . .so. . . Happy Holiday!
Anyone have a nice holiday egg hunt today?
Wait, some people are offended by hunting.
Anyone have a nice holiday egg capture and release today?

Good grief, here's the art. . .

Apart from sewing and stuffing tiny dolls with my big old sausage fingers, I worked on my music video this week. I spent about three hours getting the trickiest shot of the video done. . .which only lasts about 5 seconds on the screen. By my calculations, I should be finished around. . .never. I needed my Lincoln puppet to smoke another cigar (like in the first video) but my hand rolled cigar of tea (not code for anything) wasn't working this time. So I got out my Grandpa Curry's old tobacco pouch, that I inherited about 25 years ago when he died, and rolled one seriously stale miniature cigar. I proceed to smoke it through a series of bendy straws hidden behind the puppet's arm. So if you were watching, Grandpa, that was for you.

-Dylan

#227

2010-03-28T04:06:00.000-07:00

Hello, world travelers.
Here's our newest work. . .

Our daughter is home from her trip to Ireland, Wales, and England. I picked this picture to illustrate her trip because it's one of the few pictures she brought back on her camera that wasn't of an ornate doorway or a close-up of her breakfast. And it seems that every picture that she's in, we're getting the thumbs up. "Is nice!"

One of her many adventures included an emergency landing to hand over a drunk passenger to the authorities. Apparently he had made some threats to the flight staff, which was a bad idea even before 9/11. The pilot was clearly agitated and landed a little rougher than usual, causing more delays while the mechanics inspected for damage.
She also brought back some cockney slang she learned on a ferry from some bloke. For example, if he were to tell her to "take a butchers at a picture of him on the apples in a brand new whistle and titfer," that would be asking her to take a look at a picture of him on the stairs in a brand new suit and hat. It all makes perfect sense.
Butcher's hook...look
Apple and pears...stairs
Whistle and flute...suit
Tit for tat...hat

Someone should translate the bible.
-Dylan

#225 and #226

2010-03-20T23:56:00.000-07:00

That's right, it's two newsletters in one. . .because I forgot to write one last week. Did you miss me?
We have been busy here at the cart prior to the equine.
We've given our website new features and a face lift. . .luckily there was another face under it. You can take a gander here. . .

Our newest work is up in the attic. . .

We're working towards having something new in the attic for you each Sunday. Even though we're not setting our watches by our auctions anymore, the Sunday unveiling is a tradition worth resurrecting.

I've also made a new ridiculous video to shock your mind awake early in the morning. It's called Good Morning from CartBeforeTheHorse.

There's a new home for the videos on the website too in case you've missed any of the madness.
Aside from that, the only thing new around here is an empty bedroom. Our daughter is on a tour of Ireland, Wales, and England. Some schools have forty kids or more in their group, but she only has four including her teacher, who used to live in Dublin. They're getting to break free of the rest of the tourists and see the real deal on side streets the tours don't visit. She's informed us that she's moving to Europe and we'd better get used to the idea.

-Dylan

#224

2010-03-09T22:42:00.000-08:00

Hello, everyone.

Need art? I have just the link for you. . .

Our newest one of a kind creations are being held for the moment and will be available soon in a location that will be disclosed shortly. So secretive! I don’t know if I can wait! Who are you talking to? I don’t know.

Our daughter just got bad news in the mail. Fortunately, it wasn’t from a college. It was from the DMV. She’s gotten two tickets in the last few months, one for speeding and one for running a stop sign. Since she’s still under 18, that was enough to get her license suspended for 90 days. So guess who’s really going to get punished? Jo and me. . .her new chauffeurs. She can attend traffic school and then request for the suspension to be. . .suspended? I hope traffic school is online these days, because if it’s not, it’s surely at least an hour away from our little town. And guess who will have to drive her there?

-Dylan

#223

2010-02-28T21:59:00.001-08:00

Hello, friends.
As always, here’s where you’ll find our latest work. . .

This was a week of out of town trips for us, but we did manage to get some work done. We went to a high school production of “The Music Man” in Hillsboro, near Portland. It was incredibly professional. I probably saw the movie a thousand times when I was a kid, so it was fun to compare this recent production of it against my childhood perception of the story. I think I misunderstood a lot of the premise when I was a kid. Just subtle things, like that the music man was a con artist. I was trusting kid.
I also took our daughter up the Pacific University this week for a scholarship competition. I brought my ipod and a cheery autobiography about surviving the holocaust to help pass the time, but my plans were dashed. They had a host of seminars for us parents as well, all about paying for college. Once again my dreams were crushed when I was told that my plan of collecting aluminum cans may fall short of its goal.

-Dylan

#222

2010-02-19T13:16:00.001-08:00

Hello, all.
Here’s the art. . .

So I’m half way through my February tests, and so far so good. The two tests are, of course, Valentine’s Day and Jo’s birthday. I got an A+ this Valentine’s Day, but it hasn’t always been so. I once paid $50 for a dozen nearly wilted roses at the local grocery store on Valentine’s Eve. I think waiting until the last minute is the number one reason for getting points knocked off. You want to give something that says “I’ve been planning this for years.” Wilted roses fits that description, if you ask me, but what do I know?
We’re looking forward to seeing our friend’s son’s musical tonight, The Music Man. Their school apparently has a lot of money and a top notch drama department. In contrast, when we first moved here to the Oregon coast, Jo and I were stunned by the first school performance we went to. A child with a script in one hand and a torn piece of cardboard in the other walked across the gym floor and read her script without looking up. It took us a while to realize that the scrap of cardboard she was holding was supposed to be a boat, but they had just drawn on it with standard pencils, making lines that were nearly invisible. The other disappointment of the evening was that the principal had to tell the PARENTS several times to keep it down during the performance. Personally, I would have fired off a couple of shots in the air, but I don’t want to tell her how to run her school.

-Dylan

#221

2010-02-14T00:37:00.000-08:00

Hello, friends.
Here’s the art. . .

You may notice that there aren’t any newly designed pieces this week. We spent the week creating art that our greatly appreciated customers ordered from us, and also planning our first ever art show! It’s still a long way off, September 25th in Petaluma, California. It’s called Halloween and Vine, and we feel honored that that we’re going to be a part of it. We’re already sketching, scheming, scratching our heads, and dreaming.
One of the things we’re trying to work out is the best way to accept credit cards. An old fashioned “knuckle buster” to make carbon copied imprints of the cards? I once cut a man’s card in half accidentally with one of those things back when I worked at a book store. Or should we join the modern age and get an iphone and the credit card app? A wireless laptop and a USB swiper? We’ll have to figure something out, because we are no longer a cash economy. I remember the first time I saw a fast food restaurant accepting plastic. I thought that was so funny. Now I look them sideways if they say “Sorry, it’s cash only.” I’ve hardly touched any paper money since 2003. Before that, I was a bellman with a pocket full of the stuff. A pocket that Jo used to raid before I woke up, only to find the living room littered with bags of new art supplies.

-Dylan

#220

2010-02-06T23:44:00.000-08:00

Hello, sports fans.
Here’s the art. . .

The little heart ornament in the group picture is actually a prize for a giveaway that Jo is organizing, so mosey on by her blog to enter.

Many of you will remember that I made a music video for one of my songs last summer using puppets. If you haven’t seen it yet, here it is. It’s meant to look like the Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus, and the original idea was to do a three song set. I got pretty burnt out on the project after finishing the first song, so it’s taken me this long to get back at it for the next two. I’m using real puppet heads now, which Jo was kind enough to make for me, instead of the photo faces. The song I’m working on now is called “Old Ghost”, so here’s a picture of me singing in harmony with my ghost.

It’s super bowl Sunday, so be careful crossing the street. I’m rooting for the pedestrians this year.

-Dylan

#219

2010-01-31T01:31:00.000-08:00

Hello art fans.
Here’s our art. . .

One of the places from my past that had a big influence on me was the Maitland Art Center in Florida. It was just a short walk from our house, but it looked more like something you’d stumble upon out in the jungle. . .the ruins of some confused tribe of people long since gone.

There is a series of gardens and outdoor passages all lined with walls depicting Christian, Mayan, and Aztec deities in sculpted concrete bas-reliefs. A heavenly angel could be just feet away from the terrifying scowl of a pagan god baring his teeth. When I was a kid, I knew every inch of the place. I knew which metal flower on the iron gate to turn and open it, and I knew which wall to jump when it was locked. I knew which bricks to remove to turn on the spigot and start the water flowing from the god’s mouth.
When I got older, Jo and I got married there at the outdoor chapel. Just a few days before the wedding, we showed up for the rehearsal to find the place locked. I jumped up on the wall and told the pastor I’d look inside for something for him to stand on so he could get in too.

Years later, I’d take my kids to the shuffleboard court in the shade of the oaks behind the art center to play. We didn’t play shuffleboard. I don’t remember ever seeing anyone play shuffleboard there. There were way too many acorns blanketing the court for that, so we made up our own games. The kids would run erratically around the court, and I’d try to bomb them by lobbing fists full of acorns at them. The chances of hitting them were slim, but it made them feel tricky to outmaneuver my missiles.
I’d like to go back and visit when I’m on that side of the continent again, but google maps and image searches will have to do for now.

-Dylan

#218

2010-01-23T22:51:00.000-08:00

Hello, rebel fighters.
Here's the art. . .

It’s been so quiet around here today. Our kids are at a Star Wars marathon party. No one seems to be dressing up, but I did see one kid with a lightsaber. It reminded me of when our son was little and would run around with a plastic lightsaber tucked into his underwear. “This is my lightsaber. It says wong.”

I took advantage of the quiet house today and simplified our website some more. If any of you were having trouble seeing the art before because of the fancy Flash program we were using before, go back and have another look. It’s simpler now. We’ll just keep simplifying the site until it’s nothing but a white screen. Yoko Ono would be so proud.

-Dylan

#217

2010-01-18T19:58:00.001-08:00

Hello, friends on aisle four!
Here’s what we’ve been working on. . .

I hope you all had a wonderful Martin Luther King day! I have a dream too. That my kids will someday go back to school. There’s no school here on Fridays anymore due to budget cuts, so this was a four day weekend for our two teenagers.
“Gawd, there’s nothing here to eat!” which of course means that the specific thing that they want isn’t in the refrigerator, or possibly it’s just too far back in the refrigerator and not worth the effort.
Jo and I went to Ace hardware together the other day to finds bits-n-bobs for our new robot doll. As the jingle suggests, Ace is the place with the helpful hardware man (and woman.) We were asked every 40 seconds if we needed help finding anything by a different employee with a red vest and a headset on. When you’re building something conventional and need a hammer or a hinge, I know this is truly helpful to be taken right to the item without having to read those pesky signs above the aisles. But when you’re a couple of artists combing every aisle for cool looking whats-its, you confuse their system. But I can’t badmouth their system. What other store that you know of has stayed fully staffed through the recession? Who else is that friendly. . .and doesn’t complain about the contents of the refrigerator?

-Dylan

#216

2010-01-10T20:41:00.000-08:00

Hello, all.
Here’s the art…

I’ve been working on creating our first podcast for you this week, and I was hoping to have it finished by today, but alas. I have a bit of editing and rerecording to do. The actual interview with Jo went well. I cornered her with my microphone while she was painting, making it difficult for her to escape. But my introduction that I recorded later didn’t turn out quite as good. For some reason, I had a bad case of uptalk. . .which is when your voice goes up at the end of every sentence like a valley girl. I did notice it after I recorded it, but I thought “no one else will notice. I’m just being hard on myself.” I handed Jo the headphones to listen to it, and she started grinning right away. Then she turned to me and mimicked “da da da da DA! da da da da DA!”
Oh well. Like whatever. Gag me with a spoon.
Anyway, I should have this first one finished in the next few days and I’ll make a home for it on our website, so look for it there soon. I’m not sure if it will be an ongoing thing or not. We’ll just have to see.

-Dylan

#215

2010-01-03T00:26:00.001-08:00

Hi, all.
Here’s the art. . .

We’re really proud of our new Alice in Wonderland set. One aspect of this new direction we’re taking is rethinking the mechanics of these dolls, as you can see if you lift Alice’s dress. (Cheeky monkey!)
I know some of you may have already seen this on Jo’s blog, but for those that haven’t, here’s a picture of almost all of the art that we made in 2009.

There are a few missing, I’m sure, but it’s still impressive to see them all in one place.
I was kind of hoping that all of them together would form a picture of something when you stand back far enough, but alas. Maybe I just haven’t stood back far enough, but the neighbors have asked me to stay on my side of the fence, so we may never know.
Jo and I watched a show recently that did a little bio on some artists, and filmed them in their homes doing an art tutorial. I told Jo that if we got on that show, I’d act like this crazy guy that I used to work with, who ended up stalking me. I can do a dead on impression of him, which I would have to keep up the entire time the camera crew would be at our house. Jo, of course, is not impressed with my impression, or my idea.

-Dylan

#214

2009-12-27T21:07:00.001-08:00

Hello, friends.
Here’s what we’ve been working on…

Yes, the website has gotten a makeover, and there’s still more tinkering to be done. I’ve been staring at the computer so much this week that I’ve begun to dream in html, which is okay since I can just use the back browser button whenever something scary happens.
It’s worth visiting our site just to see Jo’s Christmas present to me, which was the head of the Dylan puppet for my music video. It’s a strange feeling to open a box on Christmas morning to find your own head. BACK BROWSER!
We’ve added some wands for sale to our site. We have star wands. . .

. . .moon wands. . .

. . .and crow wands.

We’re planning on constantly adding to the art available there, so check back often.
I hope you all are enjoying the holidays. We had a memorable Christmas. I had a Skype conference call with my parents in Satellite Beach, Florida, and my brother serving in Afghanistan, as well as his wife and two daughters in Maryland. If anyone is interested, my brother was interviewed by C-SPAN, and you can watch it here.

See you next year!

-Dylan

#213

2009-12-21T01:31:00.000-08:00

Hello, all.
Here’s the art. . .

No, you haven’t gone mad, the link DOES take you somewhere new this week. Jo and I have decided to start selling a series of limited edition dolls from our website. While we will still list on eBay from time to time, our website is going to be the new focus of our attention. We’ll be making these dolls to order, and we’ll constantly be adding new designs to our repertoire, so you’ll be able to better plan what you want and when you want it. No longer will you fall victim to that eBay sniper that took that one-of-a-kind, never-to-return doll away from you! These dolls will be in limited editions of 25, so they won’t be disappearing so quickly like our dolls have in the past.
You’ll notice at the bottom of our page where the dolls are for sale, we have a section for crafts. These are some quicky, free, crafty, fun, tutorials that Jo has dreamed up for you. There’s one on there now for making a cute little paper deer, but we’ll be updating that section (along with all of the sections) of the website often.

I’ll see you on the other end of Christmas! I hope that this season finds you all merry and bright. (I wear a size 12 shoe in case you’re thinking of getting me socks.)

-Dylan

#212

2009-12-15T01:02:00.000-08:00

Hi, all.
Here’s the art. . .

Jo and I, along with our son, took advantage of the short school week here and headed out of town to go stay with friends. We agreed to do an ornament swap with them, so we made each of them an ornament with a Lost station symbol on it, along with their name. They’re big fans of the show Lost, and we’re big fans of copyright infringement, so it was a perfect match. I was given a Grinch ornament. Not sure what they were trying to say with that.
We returned home to find out that our daughter (who had stayed behind) had made Christmas cookies from scratch with a friend. Apparently, any ingredient that could not be easily located in the pantry was just left out of the mix. They compensated for this fact by using a kiln like setting on the oven, and forgetting all about them while listening to that new fangled rock and roll. I’m not sure what size the cookies were in the first hour of baking, but a lot of them were about the size of a quarter by the time they had permanently bonded to the cookie sheet.
I could really only stomach eating about three or four.

-Dylan

#211

2009-12-08T01:53:00.000-08:00

Hello, everyone.
Here’s the art. . .

I normally don’t offer anything for sale directly from these newsletters, mainly because we like eBay’s auction format, and setting prices is hard. But these little folk art guitars that I’m making are the perfect candidate to give it a go. They would make a thoughtful gift to that music lover that’s hard to buy music for, or they could easily be converted into Christmas ornaments. I’ll even put a screw eye and ribbon on top upon request to make it Christmas tree ready.
The acoustic style guitars with the penny sound hole are $18 + $4.95 shipping. They come in black, red, and light brown (for that classic acoustic guitar look.) More info here. . .

The electric style guitars are modeled after a Les Paul. They are $25 + $4.95 shipping. They come in red. . .

. . .and in black. . .

All of the guitars come with a stand made from a bent fork. Fork styles vary depending on availability. As always, we combine shipping. We’ll ship as many guitars as you like in one order for a flat shipping rate of $4.95.
Just write to me to place an order: dylancurry@msn.com
Be sure to let me know which style you want and in which available color. They’re all made to order, but there’s still plenty of time to have it there by Christmas. You won’t be invoiced until your order is ready to ship.

-Dylan

PS I can’t leave without giving you some sort of family update. It just wouldn’t feel right.
Our daughter’s ipod finally gave up the ghost after years of service. Her friends can’t believe that she’s had the same one since middle school. Most of them replace theirs each night after dinner. So while she’s between ipods, she decided to get some blank tapes to dub CDs onto for her car’s stereo. I was quite amused at a modern day kid trying to figure out our old school technology.
“You mean I have to listen to the whole CD while it copies?”
“When it gets to the end of side 1, do I have to rewind side 2 to get to the beginning of it?”
“I have to hit play and record at the same time? That’s stupid. How would anyone know that?”

#210

2009-11-29T21:01:00.001-08:00

Hello, friends and family.
Here’s the art. . .

My big brother, who is in the Air Force and currently serving in Afghanistan, read my newsletter last week about the house we grew up in, and chimed in with a few memories of his own. Here they are with comments by me in parentheses.

-Trying to get from one side of the living room to the other by climbing on the rocks.
(He’s being modest here. We could get anywhere without touching the floor. The living room was just a warm up exercise.)

-Filling the main door entrance with newspaper and then putting snake skins on the little bridge so mom had to walk through it.
(This sounds like it may have been on April Fool’s Day, which was strictly observed in our home. Here’s a picture of my mom’s retaliation some years later.)

-You playing sniper on the rooftop shooting cans I called out with our walkie talkies. I can’t remember the name of those headsets. Voice Ones?
(Correct! Voice Ones. Here’s a picture of that day of can sniping. I believe this is what psychiatrists call a red flag.)

-The big tree in the woods next to our house before the retention pond and building went in. That was a great woods.
(Remember when that flasher surprised Mom while she played racquetball, then ran into those woods? I’m pretty sure we armed ourselves when we played over there after that.)

-Numerous forts and holes in the back yard. . .with and without plumbing…
(Yes, a PVC pipe exiting a fort at a slant can really save a guy from having to stop the game for a bathroom break.)

Thanks, Morgan, for those memories.

Now, a bit of business. I mentioned a few newsletters back that Jo and I were working on an instructional DVD, and a few of you have asked about it since. We’ve put quite a bit of work into it, but I’m afraid we’ve decided to scrap this one and push right on to the next one. We made enough mistakes working on it that we’re just going to chalk it up to a learning experience and press forward. Our standards for ourselves are high, so we don’t want to put out anything that is substandard. But making these instructional DVDs is something that we’re serious about, so this set back won’t turn us around! We may be down, but we’re not out! So. . . Wonder Twin powers. . . ACTIVATE!
I dunno. It sounded like I was working up to something there. I just got confused about what it was.

-Dylan

#209

2009-11-24T16:43:00.001-08:00

Hello there.
Here’s what we‘ve made for you. . .

Yes, it’s almost Thanksgiving. Then before you know it, Christmas will be behind us and we’ll be in 2010. Maybe then I’ll stop writing 2008 on checks and at least progress to 2009. This time of year always makes me reflect on where I’m headed and where I’m from. Where I’m headed can be the topic of future newsletters as it unfolds, but I’d like to share with you where I’m from. It’s a long story, as you can imagine, so I’ll whittle this tale down to one house. This is the house that I lived in for most of my life in Maitland, Florida.

It’s not just a house, it’s a work of art. There’s not a rectangular room in the place. It was built in the 60’s by a modern architect named Frank Sheehy, who lived in it himself for a time. They threw a house warming party when it was finished and sealed up a wine bottle in the wall, leaving the bottom end of it sticking out into the dining room, and the open lip of it in the garage. They put the guest list of everyone there that night inside the bottle. Years later, my brother and I would fish it out with a pair of chopsticks and read it before putting it back in its rightful place.
There was a fish pond that started outside and continued on into the house. Goldfish could swim in and out through an underwater gap in the glass. A snake took advantage of this entrance once, sending my mom running for an ax. Another time I watched a raccoon reach in and grab our decorative water fountain as I sat up wide awake, too excited to sleep one Christmas Eve. There was ONE spot that we put the Christmas tree in every year, next to the fish pond. We tried it in a different spot one year and Christmas was ruined.

That stone wall by the fish pond is what I stared at every night out of my bedroom door. There were faces and whole nonsensical scenes that I imagined in the rock formations. I can still remember the old man diving down onto the goat head.
When I was in Junior High, I migrated to a bigger bedroom in the back of the house. It had a metal ceiling fan that was so low you could lose a finger to it if you weren’t careful. When I had friends over, we’d turn a strobe light on and make the fan seemingly come to a standstill before throwing all of the contents of the sock drawer into it.

Most of the walls of the house had plate glass windows from floor to ceiling. Everywhere you looked in the day time, you saw oak trees covered in Spanish moss, which over the years gave way to kudzu vines with heart shaped leaves. At night, those same windows would be pitch black and covered with bugs trying to get in to the light, only to get picked off by tree frogs.
I lost my first tooth in that house, came home from my first and last day of school to that house, brought my kids home from the hospital to that house, and finally backed up a moving truck to it before leaving for the Oregon Coast.
The new owners have since bulldozed the oaks and kudzu, put in sod as far as the eye can see, painted everything white, and generally poured mountains of cash into it. It’s a different house now, but I bet it still remembers me.

-Dylan

#208

2009-11-16T00:19:00.000-08:00

Hello, all.
Here’s the art. . .

And our patterns can be found here…
Our daughter applied for early decision this week to her first choice college. It was a somewhat tense week of proofreading and website building. Here’s the website we made together to showcase her art to them.
She put in her two-week notice at her job at the clothing store yesterday, so that she can concentrate on applying for grants and scholarships. But before she could end her career there, the place got robbed today while she was working. The pregnant manager was tied up in the backroom while the armed robber looted the safe. Fortunately, our daughter and the rest of the employees were unaware that any of this had happened until the police showed up after the fact. She was not the least bit rattled by her proximity to this dangerous situation. I guess that feeling of invincibility comes with youth.
I remember when Jo and I were still teenagers, and Jo worked late at night by herself at a sub shop in Orlando. This guy came in and said that the lump he was holding in his jacket pocket was a gun. Jo was not impressed.
“You don’t have a gun.”
“Yes I do.”
“Lemme see it.”
And with that Jo just gave him a face, which would later be reserved for me, and with an exaggerated motion of her hand, hit the alarm button. He left quickly without completing the transaction. Jo, like our daughter, was not rattled by the incident, though she did begin to call me after this whenever too many crazies were hanging around there. I would go up there and act crazy myself, making them feel unwelcome enough to leave. I was paid for my security services in sandwiches. It was at this time that I discovered that I did in fact like mayonnaise on my subs. Sorry, Dad.

-Dylan

#207

2009-11-09T22:39:00.001-08:00

Hello, jugglers.
Here’s what we made for you this week…

And our patterns can be found thusly…

I think my newsletters may be dangerous. Don’t worry, not to you. Just to me. It seems like every time I make some innocent reference to something in one of these here friendly updates, it comes back to bite me that very week. It’s happened more than once, but I‘m just starting to catch on. You may remember awhile back when I said something about liking the fact that all of the dangerous spots along the Oregon coast aren’t gated off, and that there are plenty of places to fall to your death, if you‘re into that sort of thing. Now don’t tell Jo, but shortly after writing that, I was hiking up at Cape Lookout and came closer than I care to admit to making that my sort of thing. Only my cat-like reflexes saved me.
More recently, the Central Time Zone took a swing at me while I was juggling. I’d better explain. First of all, the Central Time Zone did not appreciate my comment last week about the people living there being left on their own to calculate when things are happening elsewhere. I don’t think it liked me mentioning its name at all. Now, as far as the juggling act I was doing. . .I was actually juggling money, which has become quite the art form in the world these days. Know what I’m talking about? I can hand my landlord a check on the weekend with a smile on my face, but I know I’m going to be at the bank to make that check good on Monday morning as they unlock the doors. I’ve got to take my Paypal debit card to the ATM to get the cash I need to do so, but it will only let me take out a certain amount per day. Now, I needed two days worth of withdraws from Paypal to make this rent check good, but the second day found me at the ATM getting my card declined over and over. I came back home and called Paypal only to find out that they go by Central Time. So the night before at 10:30 Pacific Time when I took out money was the same day as far as they were concerned. But what about the rent check? Was the landlord on the way to the bank with my bouncy check? I had to do something, so I went to the grocery store and got cash back with my purchase. . .six times within two hours. I may have even done some costume changes in there too.
Isn’t juggling fun?

-Dylan

#206

2009-11-01T00:58:00.000-07:00

Hello, all.
Here’s the art for now, and we’ll have more listed on Tuesday…
And if you haven’t found them by now, our patterns are on our eBay sister account, artbeforethehorse.
Yes, this newsletter is quite early, especially for me. My arch nemesis, daylight savings time, is ending and I’ve decided to randomly adjust my clock and use a calendar from 1982.
Actually, turning the clock back an hour may confuse things a bit concerning our auctions ending today. Everyone is so used to seeing them end at a certain time every week, but today they’ll be ending an hour earlier than normal. So if you’re on the east coast, they’ll end at 7:00 PM, and if you’re on the west coast they’ll end at 4:00 PM. If you live in the central or mountain time zones, you’re probably used to everyone letting you do the math yourself by now, so I’ll leave you to it.
Halloween passed us by here without many raps on the door. We always seem to live in a house away from busy trick-or-treating routes. We only got one trick-or-treater this year…a teenaged boy without a costume. You may be tempted to send these non-festive candy gatherers away empty handed, but this is really when you should consider the true and literal meaning of the phrase “trick or treat.”
Umm…I choose treat.
OK, I’ll leave you with a story from the ghost of Halloweens past. Our son was about four years old and was dressed as a cowboy. We knocked on the first door of the night, and when it opened, he went right in. By the second door of the night, he knew to stay out on the porch. He told the lady at the door, “Wow, you have a beautiful house!”
“Well, aren’t you sweet! Here, you get an extra piece of candy!”
Now on to the third door…
“Wow, you have a beautiful house!”
The kid learns fast.

-Dylan

#205

2009-10-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

Hello, all.
This is newsletter #205...not to be confused with newsletter #200. And here, my friends, is the art…

Over a month ago, Jo asked me, “Did you write a newsletter this week?” Apparently she hadn’t received it in her inbox. I didn’t get my copy either, but I didn’t think much of it. It was my 200th newsletter. Well, we just received it in our inboxes about an hour ago. So where was it? Out drinking to celebrate its round numberness? Was it stuck in the internet’s series of pneumatic tubes? Anyway, if you just got it too, just know that I’m as confused as you are. I hope that when I die, people keep receiving emails from me…hopefully saying cryptically morbid things like, “I hope you come and visit me here soon.” Great, now I’m going to have to fill all of my emails with double meanings just in case the email is delayed until after my death. This is really causing a lot of pressure on me.
Jo took today off, though you’d never guess by watching her. Her days off look a lot like her work days. The only difference is that she gets to keep the art she makes on her days off. Right now she’s painting a very large circular quilt made up of a lot of smaller circles. Not me. You know when it’s my day off. I’m either hiking, biking, or parked in front of a Netflix movie with a very large bowl of popcorn. My most recent discovery through Netflix is a British show called That Mitchell and Webb Look. Here’s a clip on youtube.

Until next week…or whenever my newsletter feels like showing up.

-Dylan

#204

2009-10-20T00:23:00.000-07:00

OK, people. This is it.
Cue sound.
Jo paints her nails and some dolls…take one.
Cue art.

Yes, we’ve been working this week on recording an instructional video. I rigged up an overhead camera and sat next to Jo as she painted. I know, that sounds like I was being a pest, but she asked me to. When Jo wasn’t busy explaining the process, I asked her questions. So the two of us sitting there talking while she painted pretty much inspired the rest of its production. I’m interviewing Jo in a podcast style, and we’re using that conversation to fill in the gaps when Jo was just quietly painting. I’m hoping to make it sound natural, like one fluid conversation, but if it ends up sounding more like a director's commentary turned on, then I’m OK with that too. I haven’t interviewed Jo yet. What would you ask her if you were me?

-Dylan

Fine print: Not all questions will be asked. Some may simply be alluded to. Others will be rearranged word by word to form different questions to which there are no answers. Entries not valid in all states. Contact your local chamber of commerce for additional regulations.

#203

2009-10-12T23:53:00.001-07:00

Hello, all.
Here’s the art…

Jo and I are finally working on a project that we’ve been talking about for some time. I guess it just kept getting put on the backburner until now. We’re producing a how-to video showing step by step how to sew and hand-paint some Santa Christmas ornaments. If it works out, I’m sure we’ll work on others demonstrating the cheater quilts or paper clay sculpture. Jo is a natural at teaching, and I know my way around video editing, so this should be an interesting collaboration for us.
I wanted to share a photo with you taken from our trip to see colleges last week, but after reviewing them just now, I’ve decided against it. It seems that the collection is about 80% pictures of brick buildings, 10% pictures of common scenes like airline ticketing lines, and 10% pictures of me in restaurants looking very tired as I wait for my food and endure a camera in my face. Our daughter has taken a lot of pictures of me eating over the years. Future generations will no doubt be puzzled by her photo album.

-Dylan

#202

2009-10-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

I’m back!
Did you miss me?
Here’s what Jo worked on while I was gone…

My daughter, Kaity, and I just returned late last night from our trip to visit several colleges she’s considering. Our first stop was Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota. Upon landing in Minnesota, we rented a Chevy HHR, which I nicknamed "the blind spot." I’ve been in submarines with better visibility.
The first thing you see driving into Northfield, assuming that you can see, is the giant Malt-O-Meal factory, conveniently located in the middle of town. As we walked around the college campus, you could smell the factory everywhere you went, which turned out to be a selling point for Kaity. It smelled like a freshly opened box of cereal. Delicious!
I felt a little like an intruder on campus, not being young enough to pass for your average student, and not being distinguished looking enough to pass for a professor. When Kaity wasn’t with me, I worried that I looked like "The Carleton Strangler", cruising the hiking trails on the edge of campus, looking for my next victim.
The town of Northfield is pretty small if you take away the two colleges it’s home to. Their claim to fame is thwarting a bank robbery by Jesse James’ gang, killing two of his gang members in the process. I read all about it in the hotel room’s "attractions" binder, containing two lonely pages.
Next, we flew over to Connecticut and drove our new rented car up to Amherst, Massachusetts. There are five schools in the area: Smith, Mount Holyoke, Hampshire, Amherst, and the University of Massachusetts. If you attend any of these schools, you’re able to take classes at any of the other four, so we tried to see them all, wearing holes in our shoes in the process. I have a cousin that goes to Hampshire College who was nice enough to tour us around there and give us the inside scoop. She also turned us onto a big thrift store that they have in town. Kaity loves finding the strangest antique clothes at thrift stores to confuse bystanders with. She bought a plaid jacket that both of us agreed looked really good… and we noticed that it was getting some looks on campus, reaffirming our belief that it was a quite the find. Later that night, standing in front of the bathroom mirror in her "new" jacket, Kaity realized how much it looked like a bathrobe. And it really did. I laughed so hard that neither of us had seen the resemblance before. I guess we have some blind spots of our own.

-Dylan

#201

2009-09-21T22:46:00.001-07:00

Hello, runners.
Here’s the art…

Our son just ran in the 30th annual Prefontaine Memorial Race down in Coos Bay. He said he felt like he was finishing last until he looked back and saw hundreds of people behind him. He came home, fell onto the couch, and took a postfontaine nap that ended up lasting until morning. So I guess technically it wasn’t a nap. He did get a cool shirt for running in the race. Here’s a picture of it…

Apparently they used Christopher Walken as a stand in for the shirt’s graphic. Every time I see it I think “more cowbell.”
I mentioned last week that I’ll be heading out of town soon with my daughter to check out some colleges. That trip is next week, so you might not hear from me until I get back. I don’t have a laptop to take with me, so I may end up scribbling next week’s newsletter on an air sickness bag. Or I may find a computer in a library somewhere and write from there. I’m really not one to take pictures and document events, but I have this idea for a video that shows our trip from start to finish. I want to edit together a string of one second video clips from each location of my daughter giving the double thumbs up and her best Fonzie “Aaay!” I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get her onboard with the idea, but it’s certainly dumb enough for me.

-Dylan

#200!!!

2009-09-14T16:05:00.000-07:00

It’s my 200th newsletter!
I’m celebrating today by mowing the lawn and by paying my quarterly state taxes!
You can celebrate by following the link below to our art…and you can come help me rake the lawn if you want to.

Time is passing quickly. When I started these newsletters, our daughter was just a middle schooler. Now I find myself booking flights to go check out colleges with her. In less than two weeks, we’ll be in Minnesota looking at Carleton College, then it’s on to Massachusetts to visit Hampshire College. I’m hoping they have scholarships for children of hobos, because I plan on packing for the trip in my normal transient fashion…hard boiled eggs in a sock and plenty of cans of tuna fish. I grew up in the suburbs, so where I got these habits, I don’t know.
So Jo will soon be pulling the cart without the horse, since she won’t be coming on this trip. I wish she were coming with us though. She’s better at meetings and such. I’m better at driving, navigating, and carrying heavy luggage… but I usually let her do the talking. We’re a team… kind of like Master Blaster from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. If I could carry her on my shoulders everywhere to speak for me, I would.

-Dylan

“Master Blaster runs Bartertown.”

#199

2009-09-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

Hiya.
Here’s what we made for you…

I never take pictures other than the ones of our art. I don’t even have batteries in my camera, just an AC adapter to plug it into the wall, which my daughter finds hilarious. It may as well be a steam powered camera in her eyes. So one of the nice things about our friend, Matt, living here in town now is that he takes pictures everywhere he goes like a tourist. Here’s one he took of me and my son on a hike up above the Salmon River.

It looks like we’re near a cliff’s edge, but it’s a gentle slope down in front of us. There are, however, plenty of places to fall to your death, if that’s your sort of thing. One of the things that I love about the Oregon coast is that all of the dangerous spots haven’t been gated off the way they have in the Orlando area where I grew up. I like it when it’s left up to me just how reckless I want to be.
Lately I’ve been pressing my luck as an invisible cyclist at night. I guess I didn’t realized that my bike’s headlight had grown quite dim, and was really of little use on these dark streets near the beach. I surprised some deer and a family of raccoons as I let loose down a hill in the pitch black at speeds that made my eyes dry up. But don’t worry on my account. I promise to be more careful…someday.

-Dylan

#198

2009-08-31T17:05:00.000-07:00

Hello teachers and students,

It’s almost back to school time here on the Oregon coast! Jo and I are only 4/5 as excited as we usually are this time of year. Our school system here is strapped for cash, just like everywhere else. We’ve already combined the middle school with the high school, so now we’ve moved on to shortening the school week to four days. Where was this financial crisis when I was in school? We had all the money in the world to waste back then. The ground was littered with brand new pencils broken in half from pencil fights, and our teachers were handing out dittos like they grew on trees. Ah, dittos. I haven’t smelled a purple inked ditto in over twenty years.
So now it’s time to shop for new clothes for the kids. Our son hit a growing spurt this year, so his jeans make him look like he’s going clamming. I say give him a bucket for his books and just go with the look. But I should stop now from pretending that I have anything to do with dressing the kids. Jo hasn’t let me pick their clothes since I sent our daughter to kindergarten in a turtle neck and pajama bottoms.

-Dylan

#197

2009-08-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone!
Here’s what we have listed now, and there’s more to come on Tuesday…

Normally I’m up late at night on Sunday writing these newsletters, but this past Sunday night I went to a concert in Portland. I went to see Jack White’s new band, The Dead Weather. Jo asked me, “Don’t you feel a little old still going to rock concerts?”
“No, not really.”
I still feel the same, and concerts haven’t changed much since I was in high school. The room slowly gets hotter from everyone’s body heat…there’s a guy who’s had too much to drink that just has to dance…and the smell of skunk weed is overpowering, even though the source is never apparent. The only thing that looks really different these days is all of the cell phone cameras out taking video. Here’s a clip one of my fellow concert goers took and posted just a few hours after the show ended.
I don’t think Jo feels safe when I’m gone late at night. I came home and found a hatchet within reach of our bed. A hatchet, Jo? Really? I guess you never know when you may have to fend off an Apache attack.

-Dylan

#196

2009-08-17T14:03:00.001-07:00

Hiya, all.
Here’s the art…

Jo and I rarely make anything for ourselves. We sew and paint and cut and drill, but nothing stays here. Everything goes into red, white, and blue priority mail boxes and out the door. So once in a while we have to work on something that we can keep. This past week, I gave my old Gibson Epiphone guitar a makeover, complete with a new paint job, TV knobs, and a pick guard cut from an Illinois license plate. I wanted it to look more like one of our folk art pieces and less like a guitar anyone could pull off the rack. It’s not rewired or restrung yet, but you get the idea.

Our daughter plays bass guitar, but I have yet to ruin her instrument with any of my weird ideas. Yesterday, she performed with her jazz band, The Lincoln Pops. My father-in-law was kind enough to take some pictures with his zoom lens from our cool, dark spot in the balcony. This picture was taken during the drum solo in “Sing, Sing, Sing.”

This was one of the few smiles she cracked during the performance. Normally she has on a serious, sight reading face when she performs…“band face” as it’s known around here.

-Dylan

#195

2009-08-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

Hello, hikers.
Here’s the art…

I admit it. I am a trespasser. It seems like all of the good nature hikes around here are on private property. Determined to find a legal solution to my indiscriminant wandering feet, I tried a public trail with my friend, Matt, that’s just a fifteen minute drive from here. It’s called Hart’s Cove, and it’s 2.7 miles each way to a beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean and several coves. Neither one of us has the best sense of direction, so the hike in was peppered with speculation about where the sea lions were that we could hear so well but not see.
“I think that’s the ocean there through the trees.”
“Are you sure that’s not just the sky?”
“It’s too low to be sky.”
Finally, we reached “the view” and all of our questions were answered about the way we had come. Here’s a picture…

There are a couple pictures of me that I won’t share. One out of focus snapshot looks like a sighting of Bigfoot, and in another I look like a Scotsman on a hill with my messenger bag and my sweater tied around my waist like a kilt. Oh, what the heck, I’ll show them to you…

-Dylan

#194

2009-08-03T23:33:00.000-07:00

Hiya, all.
Here’s the art, as usual…

Some of you may recall that a few newsletters ago (#187.5 to be exact) I mentioned that we had a friend staying with us for the week. We invited Matt to come stay with us so that we could help him get his art business going. But it’s hard to come to Lincoln City and not fall in love with the place…at least if you come during the summer. So after returning to Portland for about six weeks, we’ve invited him back to stay with us while he looks for work and a place to live, all while pushing his art business forward.
We don’t have any empty rooms this time around, so I set up a tent for him inside the garage. Jo thought that sounded like a terrible place to put a guest, but she doesn’t understand us dudes. After Matt’s gone, I may just leave the tent up so I can sleep next to my puppet set as I finish my next two videos.
Our daughter just returned from a three day folk music festival. Her and a friend camped out in a field and listened to music with a community of people that apparently all dress like me (according to her.) She called from the road on the way home asking if half a tank sounded like enough gas to get her back, since they had spent all of their money on shirts and posters. Just what we wanted to hear. She did make it home on fumes and headed right for the shower, rinsing off what I thought were dark socks on her bare feet.

-Dylan

#193

2009-07-28T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends and fugitives.
Here’s the art.

I’m always thrilled when I can experience something new, so naturally I was excited to have the police called on me for the first time! Maybe I should explain before you go picturing me knocking down Jo’s door with an ax and saying, “Here’s Johnny!”
I was walking back from the beach through that gated community that I mentioned in newsletter #191...the one that has the lovely road through the woods, no residence, and a few half finished houses waiting for bailout money to trickle towards them. I was in the middle of the road with my giant studio headphones on when this guy appeared from a half finished house and came out to the road. I took my headphones off and said, “How you doing?”
He said, “Ya know, we’re not allowing anyone to be back here.”
I said, “Yeah, I know.” and put my headphones back on and kept walking towards the exit. I could hear that he was starting to yell at me, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying because of the music. Suddenly, he ran up on me still yelling and taking a very aggressive stance. I took my headphones off again and said, “So call the police, but you need to get out of my face.” It was getting dark, and it was just the two of us on this secluded road, so it wasn’t a very good situation. He did take my advice and dialed 911, yelling a description of me into the phone, telling the 911 operator that he was going to take my picture and continue to follow me to my house. I didn’t want to lead this walking temper tantrum to my house, so I turned and headed for this low income apartment complex. He didn’t follow me in there. I took my sweater from around my waist and put it back on to hide the shirt he had described to the police. I cut through another neighborhood to get to a path that would lead to my house, but right where I came out of that neighborhood to cross the street is where the police were taking his statement. So I walked up to them and explained my side of the story. I’ve watched COPS enough on TV to know that the calmest person usually wins the police’s judgment, and that’s exactly what happened. They told me I was free to go, and they spent some time lecturing him on his temper, which they were getting a taste of themselves.

-Dylan

#192

2009-07-21T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hello there.
Looks like we’re late to the show again. Here’s the original art listed today which will still end Sunday night.

Our son was in a baseball tournament this past weekend, and they did better than expected. This was good news for them, but it kept us at the ballfield longer and we weren’t able to get any of the original art listed on Sunday. We also now have our new cheater quilt patterns listed for those of you that were eagerly awaiting them.
So baseball season is now over, and we should be getting back into our normal work schedules again. But I will miss my folding chair, and my giant juice jug filled with tap water. I’ll even miss the conversations I had with the little kids that came around to pet our sheltie.
“Can I pet your dog?”
“Sure.”
“What’s her name?”
“His name is Tuesday.”
“I saw him on TV last night.”
“Really? Was he wearing a hat?”
“Yup.” She sits down in Jo’s empty chair and starts humming. “Where do think that music’s coming from?” she asks.
“I thought that was you.”
“Nope.”

-Dylan

#191

2009-07-14T01:37:00.001-07:00

Hi, all.
Here’s our week’s work…

There’s not a lot to report this week. We pretty much just worked. When I’m not working, I like to go for walks. I’m one of those people that has to move to think. As far as I’m concerned, good ideas are stored in my feet, and it’s up to me to work them loose into my bloodstream where they will eventually travel to my brain. There’s a gated community right up the street that I hike through daily. Normally I wouldn’t choose a gated community as a place to exercise, but this one is different because no one lives there. It’s a gated community without the community. I guess when the economy crashed and credit dried up, the few half finished houses up on the hill were boarded up until someone could figure out how to pay the builders. Fortunately, they did finish a beautiful road several miles long through the woods with an extra wide sidewalk. I like to leave at dusk and walk back home in the dark. If I stand still up there, the elk come out of the woods around me. And I can walk home listening to the coyotes.

-Dylan

#190

2009-07-05T17:32:00.001-07:00

Hello there, friends and family.
Well, Jo decided this week that it was going to be all shades of white…one of the hardest colors for me to photograph. Thanks, Jo! Maybe next week I’ll decide to sew everything out of chain mail. How ya like them apples?

I’ve been looking forward to writing this newsletter for some time now. My video is done!!! Well, the first installment of my three song video is done, anyway. It’s posted on youtube and ready for you to see it. Just click on the skeletal audience below to take a seat and watch the show. There’s one bad word in the song, so you may want to check it out yourself before inviting the kids to the puppet show. And be sure to watch it in HD…

Back already? Did you like it? Did you catch the animation after the credits, or did I lose you before that? Now, I’m not asking any of you to send out annoying spam mail on my behalf, but if you do know anyone that you think would enjoy the video, please pass it along to them. I need a grass roots effort behind this little project of mine, so any word of mouth buzz you can stir up would be appreciated.

Getting the video ready this past week was really trying. The computer program I was editing in kept crashing as I was trying to finish it. I felt like all my work was going down the drain, but I pulled some nerdly tricks and saved the video and myself from destruction. I’m actually quite sick of the video now. That’s the way it goes with these things. I remember watching an interview with John Lennon once where he said he can’t enjoy Beatles songs like the rest of the world, because all he can think about is sitting there for 12 hours straight with George trying to get the guitars just right. Not that I’m comparing myself to John…or George. I’d settle for Pete Best at this point.

-Dylan (Paperhand) Curry

#189

2009-06-29T16:53:00.001-07:00

Hi there, art fans.
Here's what Jo and I worked on this week…

Apart from that, I spent some time this week toiling away at my silly music video. I'm editing it and shooting it at the same time, which has some real advantages. If I feel like something is missing, I can just go back out to the set and create whatever it is that I think it needs. This week I felt like a skeleton cameraman and a giant film camera should be caught in some of the shots trying unsuccessfully to get out of the way. The camera is made of a broken cd player, a work light, and a license plate. It's attached to a set of wheels that I cannibalized from an office chair, so it can roll around and pivot just like those old studio cameras.

The skeleton is made of paper clay, cloth, and wood. He also has a pair of headphones made of paint bottle lids.

I've had a rule ever since I was a kid that I try to be true to whenever possible..."If you have to buy something, it's cheating." This rule usually leads me to disassemble many of our possessions and repurpose them, leading to Jo's question that she's had since we got married..."Can't we have nice things?"

-Dylan

#188

2009-06-24T03:47:00.001-07:00

Hello again.
Yes, our week’s work is finally all listed!
And here ‘tis…

Besides being behind in our work this week, the most memorable thing about the last seven days would have to be climbing “the hill” twice. Walking up steep hills is one of my favorite forms of exercise, and this week I got to show several friends of the family my favorite hill on the friendly side of a “No Trespassing” sign. Once you’ve conquered the climb, the view is your reward. You have the deadly beautiful Pacific Ocean on one side…

…and Devil’s Lake on the other.

And between those two views you have a scale model of the town you thought you knew so well.

And all around you on this grassy hilltop are empty spots in the tall grass where the elk sleep at night. They’re up there now looking down on my lonely little reading lamp in my miniature window.

-Dylan

#187.5

2009-06-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

Hello, friends. We’ve got one original piece listed now (along with some print ornaments and patterns), but there will be more original art listed on Tuesday for a five day auction.

Like I mentioned last week, we had a house guest for the week that we were helping set up a website, blog, and etsy shop for his art. He was the type of house guest that was washing our dishes every time we turned around, and had to be talked out of vacuuming a perfectly clean room before departing. So if you’d like to check out his art, you can start here.
Hopefully some of you may even end up hanging some of his art on your wall or on the wall of someone you love.

Our art, however, is running late for the party, but will be here on Tuesday. We’ve got a lot of interesting pieces on the way, including a conjoined twins mermaid, and a donkey bird. The donkey bird was inspired by this drawing our son did.

He has already mentioned royalties, but backed down when we presented receipts for fourteen years worth of food.
See you on Tuesday when the rest of the art gets listed…

-Dylan

#187

2009-06-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

Hello, campers.
Here’s the art!

This week’s newsletter is going out a couple of days late because I completely lost track of what day it was. I do have a good excuse, though. Jo and I are running a one camper summer camp this week for a friend of ours that is an up and coming artist. Matt is a friend of ours from Florida that now lives here in Oregon and is going to try to make a living with his art. So Jo and I thought we’d set him up for the week here with us since we had an open room. Our daughter has gone off to some strange camp to study American government or something. So while she’s there having flag ceremonies in white gloves (whose kid is she anyway???) we’re here helping Matt learn how to take good pictures of his art, create logos, write a blog, etc. His art is made from used skateboard decks that he has shaped and sanded into something very original. We’ll let you know where you can see his art near the end of the week, if I can manage to keep track of when that is.

-Dylan

#186

2009-06-08T01:49:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone!
Here’s that familiar link, with all of its glorious slashes, odd capitalizations, and nonsensical letter combinations.

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZcartbeforethehorse

I’m sorry I lied to you last week. I said we’d be listing more on Tuesday, and we never did. I had the auctions all ready to go too, then I must have spaced it at show time. I have a hard time telling one day from the next since I‘ve used the same Far Side calendar since 1983. I have to remind myself every year, “If there’s a tree inside, that means it’s Christmas.”
I’ve been busy this week editing the first song of my music video trilogy…not that it’s completely shot yet. In true Cart Before The Horse fashion, I began editing the middle of the song shortly after beginning to shoot it. I’ll call Jo over every five minutes to show her what minor detail I’ve amended since the last time she was foolish enough to walk by me. “No see…before, his foot was on the trapeze until the guitar solo…and now it’s not.”

“Fascinating.”

-Dylan

P.S. Yes, my video has a puppet doing a trapeze act in the middle of it. Deal with it.

#185

2009-05-31T23:47:00.000-07:00

Hello, everybody.
Here’s the link to our lonely auction.
Can you tell we played hooky towards the end of our workweek? We had some friends visiting over the weekend, and we may have abandoned our posts briefly. But we have some pieces that are nearly finished that will be listed on Tuesday.
At one point last night, I had our son and his two best friends out in the garage helping me film my puppet music video, and our daughter was downstairs interviewing our friend, Jim, for a podcast…and for a brief moment I saw how strange we really are. We haven’t always been so off the beaten path, but the further out there we get, the more it feels like we’re really living.

-Dylan

#184

2009-05-26T00:30:00.001-07:00

Hello, all.
Here’s what we have prepared to delight your senses. Well, most of your senses anyway. The dolls don’t really smell like anything, and they seldom make a sound. I really should have thought this through.

I can’t speak for anyone else in the family, but I am officially in hiding. Before our little coastal town was invaded with tourists for the holiday weekend, I stocked up on everything we’d need to hunker down: 700 pounds of ground beef, fake american cheese, popcorn, and tea. I’m sure Jo is kicking herself for not giving me a shopping list. But I have a view of highway 101 from here, and I’m not going out again until all of the vehicles I see are clearly local “Lincoln City cars.” They’re easy to spot because they all have at least one window covered in plastic and duct tape. My car doesn’t have such a window, but it does rattle something fierce upon occasion, so the other locals can identify me as one of their own if they are using all of their senses.
We’re back to senses, eh?

-Dylan

#183

2009-05-18T02:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, we’ve been busy on the art this week…and here ‘tis…

So what do Jo and I do when we’re not sewing or painting? Looking at old farm houses for sale online has been our latest pastime. Each one can have such a personality of its own, and some can be downright scary. One house looks like it could eat you with its little covered doorway beak, and another looks like some doomsday cult all drank the Kool-Aid no more than a day or two before the pictures were taken. Sorry, but a house with pews in the living room and a tiny price tag throws up a few red flags for me.
But we’re not really looking to buy a house until our son has graduated high school in four years. That way we don’t have to consider being near a good school…or near anything for that matter. You think we’re weird now, just wait until we get a few acres between us and the neighbors.

-Dylan

#182

2009-05-10T23:52:00.001-07:00

Happy Mother’s Day!!!
Yes, It’s still Mother’s Day here on the Oregon coast for another 30 minutes. Here’s our patriotic trio for the week…

Jo and I took a day off this week to drive to Portland and take pictures of a couple of drummers’ heads. Perhaps further explanation is called for here. Jo’s brother, Andrew, and our long time friend, Jim, are the ones that played the drums for me on my two albums. I need pictures of their heads to put on top of a headless drummer puppet, which my son will operate for my music video. If you can’t quite picture what I’m talking about, here’s a picture I made of my own guitar playing puppet. I set this picture up for my mom for Mother’s Day, but I’m sure she won’t mind sharing it with all of you.

It was the first time I saw the puppet with a head on it. I’m not sure which is scarier…a headless puppet, or a two foot man that looks like me. Either way, nightmares are inevitable.

-Dylan

#181

2009-05-03T22:33:00.001-07:00

Hello, all.
Here’s our week’s work…

Looking back, the most memorable event this week was finally beginning to shoot my music video. Not that I’ll be shooting in sequence, but it was the opening scene that I fittingly began with, the one in which the Paperhand Lincoln puppet introduces the band. This is meant to be a tribute to the Rolling Stones’ Rock and Roll Circus, so Lincoln is outfitted with an eye patch and a cigar just as Keith Richards was while introducing the Who. Making a puppet smoke proved to be technically difficult, but I enjoy a challenge. I hand rolled a little cigar onto the end of a bendy straw using a piece of a paper bag and some tea leaves . I painted the straw black and hid it behind Lincoln’s arm, then connected it to a couple more bendy straws that eventually led to my mouth. Now I had a cigar that I could smoke from off camera, which tasted like a mixture of a campfire and spray paint. There was no danger of this ex-smoker being tempted to relapse, I assure you.

I felt a little funny at first about making a puppet smoke, until I watched the Muppet Show’s original pilot on YouTube. And I thought I was irreverent.

-Dylan

#180

2009-04-28T23:13:00.001-07:00

Here’s the art…finally.

So…this newsletter is going out a little late this week. We had a few pieces that weren’t quite finished on Sunday, so I wanted to wait for them to all be done and listed today before I pestered you. One of the auctions that started today is for the “Dancy Pants Trio”. I think this may be the first time that we ended up naming the finished art piece after the name we had given the pattern. Yes, we name our pattern shapes so that Jo and I can talk about what we’re going to make and have a common vocabulary to do so. Other pattern names include: Sprout, Stumpy, Long Tall Sally, and Mini-Weird Bunny. As you can see, we cut to the chase on naming these things after their attributes. Now that I think about it, Jo and I do this for people around town too…especially when we don’t know their names. Mr. Green Jeans and Faux-Hawk come to mind. I wonder what people are calling me. Freckles? Curly? Short Pants McGee?

-Dylan

#179

2009-04-19T22:28:00.000-07:00

Howdy, all.
Here’s the art…

Today is my birthday. Notice the lack of exclamation points. If I went by years, I’d be 36 today. But I prefer to gauge youth and age by a more accurate unit of measurement…crazy eyebrow hairs. I’m at the stage now where I have them, but still do something about them. Once a man loses the will to fight them, he might as well join the rest of the owls in the military history section of the bookstore.

I spent a couple of days this week working on a music video for some friends of mine that travel around playing gigs as an acoustic duo. I wanted them to have a video to show club owners who might want to book them, and I also wanted to give my new HD camera and editing program a test run before I shoot my own music video. I got some natural light bulbs, some white foam boards, and dismantled an old electric drum kit to build the light stands.

We shot the performance from several angles, then I edited them together to hopefully make it look like a single performance. Here ‘tis…
(don’t forget to hit the HD button on youtube’s video player if your internet speed permits)

See you next week…

-Dylan

#178

2009-04-12T22:33:00.000-07:00

Hello, all.
Here’s the art. We were busy this week…

I’m still working on some odds and ends of my music video that need engineering before I can shoot it. The other day, I took the brake cables off a rusty old bike and connected them to the puppet drummer’s feet, so that you can control the bass and high hat pedals from backstage. Here’s a short behind-the-scenes video I made after finishing the first foot…
I used my new high definition camera to shoot that video, and I obviously have some experimenting to do to get the colors to look more vibrant. But if your internet speed permits, you can choose HD down in the toolbar.
I also made a black shirt, hood, and gloves for my son to wear while he operates the drummer puppet for me. I thought that my doll sewing skills would cross over into making clothes, but I was mistaken. Let’s just say it’s a good thing that the purpose of the outfit is to not be seen.

-Dylan

#177

2009-04-06T01:58:00.000-07:00

Hello, taxpayers.
Here's the art…

Yes, friends, it's tax time again…the one time of year when making money is a bad thing. Here are a few ideas for the "occupation" line on your 1040.
1. Whistler
2. Mismanager
3. Potato Sack Test Pilot
4. Thumb Wrestler
5. Artist

Use a crayon for added effect or send pictures of yourself mailing it to cause further confusion. They can’t get us all!

-Dylan

#176

2009-03-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

Hello.
Hello?
I can’t hear you, but here’s a link to our art.

Jane DesRosier called us up the other day on an old invention called a “telephone”. Our phone doesn’t ring much these days. But when it does, it’s not like an email. You can actually hear the person’s voice on the other end. Jane’s voice said that she teaches art classes online, and she thinks it would be a good idea if we did too. You may know Jane better as Gritty Arts Studio.
Jane teaches online workshops and is encouraging us to do the same. This really is an intriguing idea to us. We like to pass on what we’ve learned about art…Jo is a natural teacher…and I have had a knack for making short videos ever since I took TV production in high school and did a short stint as a film major.
So, it’s officially on the to-do list…right after the five cheater quilt patterns we’re making…and my Paperhand Lincoln music video, which I’m very close to shooting now that my beat up antique top hat has arrived in the mail.

Jo refuses to let me wear it when I go grocery shopping with her…or by myself.

-Dylan

PS- Thanks, Jane, for reaching out to us!