#208

Hello, all.
Here’s the art. . .


And our patterns can be found here…
Our daughter applied for early decision this week to her first choice college. It was a somewhat tense week of proofreading and website building. Here’s the website we made together to showcase her art to them.
She put in her two-week notice at her job at the clothing store yesterday, so that she can concentrate on applying for grants and scholarships. But before she could end her career there, the place got robbed today while she was working. The pregnant manager was tied up in the backroom while the armed robber looted the safe. Fortunately, our daughter and the rest of the employees were unaware that any of this had happened until the police showed up after the fact. She was not the least bit rattled by her proximity to this dangerous situation. I guess that feeling of invincibility comes with youth.
I remember when Jo and I were still teenagers, and Jo worked late at night by herself at a sub shop in Orlando. This guy came in and said that the lump he was holding in his jacket pocket was a gun. Jo was not impressed.
“You don’t have a gun.”
“Yes I do.”
“Lemme see it.”
And with that Jo just gave him a face, which would later be reserved for me, and with an exaggerated motion of her hand, hit the alarm button. He left quickly without completing the transaction. Jo, like our daughter, was not rattled by the incident, though she did begin to call me after this whenever too many crazies were hanging around there. I would go up there and act crazy myself, making them feel unwelcome enough to leave. I was paid for my security services in sandwiches. It was at this time that I discovered that I did in fact like mayonnaise on my subs. Sorry, Dad.

-Dylan

#207

Hello, jugglers.
Here’s what we made for you this week…



And our patterns can be found thusly…

I think my newsletters may be dangerous. Don’t worry, not to you. Just to me. It seems like every time I make some innocent reference to something in one of these here friendly updates, it comes back to bite me that very week. It’s happened more than once, but I‘m just starting to catch on. You may remember awhile back when I said something about liking the fact that all of the dangerous spots along the Oregon coast aren’t gated off, and that there are plenty of places to fall to your death, if you‘re into that sort of thing. Now don’t tell Jo, but shortly after writing that, I was hiking up at Cape Lookout and came closer than I care to admit to making that my sort of thing. Only my cat-like reflexes saved me.
More recently, the Central Time Zone took a swing at me while I was juggling. I’d better explain. First of all, the Central Time Zone did not appreciate my comment last week about the people living there being left on their own to calculate when things are happening elsewhere. I don’t think it liked me mentioning its name at all. Now, as far as the juggling act I was doing. . .I was actually juggling money, which has become quite the art form in the world these days. Know what I’m talking about? I can hand my landlord a check on the weekend with a smile on my face, but I know I’m going to be at the bank to make that check good on Monday morning as they unlock the doors. I’ve got to take my Paypal debit card to the ATM to get the cash I need to do so, but it will only let me take out a certain amount per day. Now, I needed two days worth of withdraws from Paypal to make this rent check good, but the second day found me at the ATM getting my card declined over and over. I came back home and called Paypal only to find out that they go by Central Time. So the night before at 10:30 Pacific Time when I took out money was the same day as far as they were concerned. But what about the rent check? Was the landlord on the way to the bank with my bouncy check? I had to do something, so I went to the grocery store and got cash back with my purchase. . .six times within two hours. I may have even done some costume changes in there too.
Isn’t juggling fun?

-Dylan

#206

Hello, all.
Here’s the art for now, and we’ll have more listed on Tuesday…
And if you haven’t found them by now, our patterns are on our eBay sister account, artbeforethehorse.
Yes, this newsletter is quite early, especially for me. My arch nemesis, daylight savings time, is ending and I’ve decided to randomly adjust my clock and use a calendar from 1982.
Actually, turning the clock back an hour may confuse things a bit concerning our auctions ending today. Everyone is so used to seeing them end at a certain time every week, but today they’ll be ending an hour earlier than normal. So if you’re on the east coast, they’ll end at 7:00 PM, and if you’re on the west coast they’ll end at 4:00 PM. If you live in the central or mountain time zones, you’re probably used to everyone letting you do the math yourself by now, so I’ll leave you to it.
Halloween passed us by here without many raps on the door. We always seem to live in a house away from busy trick-or-treating routes. We only got one trick-or-treater this year…a teenaged boy without a costume. You may be tempted to send these non-festive candy gatherers away empty handed, but this is really when you should consider the true and literal meaning of the phrase “trick or treat.”
Umm…I choose treat.
OK, I’ll leave you with a story from the ghost of Halloweens past. Our son was about four years old and was dressed as a cowboy. We knocked on the first door of the night, and when it opened, he went right in. By the second door of the night, he knew to stay out on the porch. He told the lady at the door, “Wow, you have a beautiful house!”
“Well, aren’t you sweet! Here, you get an extra piece of candy!”
Now on to the third door…
“Wow, you have a beautiful house!”
The kid learns fast.


-Dylan

#205

Hello, all.
This is newsletter #205...not to be confused with newsletter #200. And here, my friends, is the art…


Over a month ago, Jo asked me, “Did you write a newsletter this week?” Apparently she hadn’t received it in her inbox. I didn’t get my copy either, but I didn’t think much of it. It was my 200th newsletter. Well, we just received it in our inboxes about an hour ago. So where was it? Out drinking to celebrate its round numberness? Was it stuck in the internet’s series of pneumatic tubes? Anyway, if you just got it too, just know that I’m as confused as you are. I hope that when I die, people keep receiving emails from me…hopefully saying cryptically morbid things like, “I hope you come and visit me here soon.” Great, now I’m going to have to fill all of my emails with double meanings just in case the email is delayed until after my death. This is really causing a lot of pressure on me.
Jo took today off, though you’d never guess by watching her. Her days off look a lot like her work days. The only difference is that she gets to keep the art she makes on her days off. Right now she’s painting a very large circular quilt made up of a lot of smaller circles. Not me. You know when it’s my day off. I’m either hiking, biking, or parked in front of a Netflix movie with a very large bowl of popcorn. My most recent discovery through Netflix is a British show called That Mitchell and Webb Look. Here’s a clip on youtube.

Until next week…or whenever my newsletter feels like showing up.

-Dylan

#204

OK, people. This is it.
Cue sound.
Jo paints her nails and some dolls…take one.
Cue art.

Yes, we’ve been working this week on recording an instructional video. I rigged up an overhead camera and sat next to Jo as she painted. I know, that sounds like I was being a pest, but she asked me to. When Jo wasn’t busy explaining the process, I asked her questions. So the two of us sitting there talking while she painted pretty much inspired the rest of its production. I’m interviewing Jo in a podcast style, and we’re using that conversation to fill in the gaps when Jo was just quietly painting. I’m hoping to make it sound natural, like one fluid conversation, but if it ends up sounding more like a director's commentary turned on, then I’m OK with that too. I haven’t interviewed Jo yet. What would you ask her if you were me?

-Dylan

Fine print: Not all questions will be asked. Some may simply be alluded to. Others will be rearranged word by word to form different questions to which there are no answers. Entries not valid in all states. Contact your local chamber of commerce for additional regulations.